Captive
by BettyHall223
Summary: Sam experiences the most harrowing event of her life. Her father and friends help her deal with the repercussions. Warning: violence.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Flashbacks are in italics._

To the medical staff at the SGC that came in and out of the infirmary, Jack looked calm as he sat outside the doors. To the two men who knew him so well, Daniel and Teal'c knew he was anything but calm. The still form of Jack O'Neill staring blankly at the wall, was a cover-up for what he was really feeling and there could only be one thing that could silence Jack like this.

Daniel sat to Jack's left and Teal'c stood to his right.

"She'll be okay" Daniel tried to tell his friend but he got no response. He started to place his hand on Jack's shoulder to reassure him that he wasn't alone in this vigil, but he withdrew it at the last moment and put his hand back in his lap.

Jacob silently approached the men and sat down beside Daniel as Jack's mind wandered back to the event that had caused them to be waiting here.

_After the MALP indicated that there didn't seem to be any kind of threat on the planet, SG-1 had gated through to find the usual trees, grass and a cool breeze. The planet looked like so many others they had visited._

_This was the first mission the team had been on since returning from a week of downtime. As they walked, they talked about how they had spent their time away from the Mountain._

_Daniel had flown to New York to attend the wedding of a friend he had known in graduate school._

_Teal'c had returned to Chulac to visit Rya'c and Bra'tac._

_Sam had spent a few days with Janet and Cassie in Denver. They had shopped, went sightseeing and tried some new restaurants. When they returned, Sam spent the rest of her time off tuning up her Indian._

_Jack had gone to his cabin, came back with a tan and looked rested. He had spent time fishing on his dock but also doing repairs to the cabin and cutting away some overgrown weeds and bushes around his property._

_The four friends took their time as they laughed and teased each other but stayed alert to what was going on around them._

_As nighttime approached, they came to the top of a hill and stopped as Jack and Sam got their binoculars from their vests. Far off in the distance they could see a village._

_Jack put his binoculars away. "We'll camp here for the night since we won't be able to reach the town before it gets dark."_

_They went down the other side of the hill and found a level section of ground to make camp._

_The team worked together as they set up two tents, gathered wood to build a fire and heated their MRE's._

_As they sat down to eat Jack looked at Sam. "How's that cold, Carter?"_

"_I'm okay, sir. I think the medicine Janet gave me is helping."_

_After eating, Teal'c took first watch, Daniel second and Jack third._

_As his teammates slept, Jack sat staring into the fire and thought he heard a noise in the nearby bushes. His P-90 was lying across his lap so he quickly picked it up and aimed it into the darkness, feeling that he was being watched. He turned his head to see if he could hear the noise again and all was quiet, but he kept his hand on his weapon in case he needed to shoot quickly._

_Jack was supposed to wake up Sam to take last watch until daylight but since she was fighting a cold, he thought he would let her get as much sleep as she could._

_Just as the sun started to rise and Jack was making coffee, he turned to see Sam looking out of the tent._

"_Sir, you didn't wake me for my watch."_

"_Thought I'd let you get some rest since you've got a cold."_

"_That really wasn't necessary, sir, I'm not that sick."_

"_Oh, don't worry about it, Major. I'll let you do double duty next time."_

"_Okay, sir. I need to go . . ." she said with a wave of her hand._

_Jack nodded, understanding what she meant. She came out of the tent with her personal kit and he watched her disappear into the trees. A smile came to his face as he thought how cute she looked with her hair uncombed and eyes not yet fully awake._

_Daniel and Teal'c came out of their tent as Jack was searching for the breakfast MRE's. _

_Daniel poured himself a cup of coffee and as Teal'c helped Jack warm their food over the fire, he said quietly to Teal'c "this morning before dawn, I thought I heard something and felt I was being watched."_

_Teal'c raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything._

_Sam returned and the team sat down to eat._

_After breakfast they put out the fire and packed up the tents and other belongings._

_Jack quickly put on his backpack and held his P-90 in his hand, still getting an uneasy feeling, but was trying not to alarm his team unnecessarily._

_Teal'c picked up his staff weapon and came to stand beside Jack. He slowly turned around, looking in every direction, then turned to face him._

"_O'Neill, I feel a presence" he said softly._

"_Yeah, me too" Jack whispered._

_Daniel walked up to them as he put on his glasses. "Okay guys, I'm ready."_

_Sam had just started to bend over to pick up her backpack when suddenly out from behind some thick bushes stepped six men, aiming weapons at them._

_Jack quickly raised his P-90 and Teal'c held his staff weapon with both hands, ready to fire if needed._

_Daniel slowly put his hand down to grasp the gun on his side._

_Sam stood very still and glanced at her P-90 lying on the ground._

_No one said a word for a few moments as the standoff began._

"_Okay, guys" Jack said to the men in a calm voice "let's not do anything we'll regret."_

_The biggest of the men came closer to Jack. "Who are you?"_

_Daniel took a step forward. "We're explorers from another planet, we came through the stargate. We mean you no harm."_

_The burly man stared at Daniel, then his eyes wandered to Sam as he handed his weapon to the man next to him._

'_It really is getting a little old' Jack thought to himself 'almost every time we run into these barbarians, one of them is always taken with Carter's beauty.'_

_Sam stared defiantly at the man. He walked up to her, put his hands on his hips and stared into her face but Sam didn't bat an eye._

"_What is your price for this female?" the man asked as he glanced at Jack, then back at Sam._

_Teal'c slowly took a step closer to Sam as she raised her voice. "I am NOT for sale."_

_A look of anger crossed the man's face._

_Jack held up his hand. "Okay fellas, we don't want any trouble. We'll just leave peacefully now and go back to where we came from."_

_The man looked at Jack. "You may go but the female stays with me." He suddenly reached out and grabbed Sam's arm and twisted it behind her. Just as he did, the other men stepped closer to Jack, Teal'c and Daniel. Jack fired his P-90 at the man closest to him, killing him instantly. Teal'c aimed at another, killing him also._

_Another man aimed his weapon at Daniel and fired, hitting him on his side._

_Daniel fell backwards and the three remaining men surrounded the one holding Sam. He twisted Sam's arm even tighter and put his other arm around her neck, using her as a shield. She tried to break free but the man was three times her size. Sam turned her head to try and bite his arm but he held her tighter. She then tried to stomp his foot but it didn't faze him._

_The men began to walk backwards._

_Teal'c quickly knelt beside Daniel as Jack kept his eyes on Sam._

_Jack started after the men but one of them fired his weapon, hitting him on his upper arm and he stumbled backward and winced as he felt the sharp pain. He watched in horror as the man dragged Sam along with him and the men disappeared into the woods._

"_O'Neill! We must get Daniel Jackson back to Earth!"_

_Jack could feel blood soaking through his sleeve. "I have to go after Carter!"_

"_You cannot. You are injured and must have medical attention. We will return to rescue Major Carter."_

_Jack looked in the direction that Sam had been taken, feeling as though his heart was being ripped from his chest._

_Jack took off his backpack to be rid of the extra weight and watched as Teal'c picked up Daniel. They hurried back the way they had come._

_The bleeding and pain were getting worse in Jack's arm and he was beginning to feel faint._

_After stopping once so Teal'c could rest for a moment, they finally reached the stargate and Jack dialed Earth._

_General Hammond watched as Teal'c came through carrying Daniel and he could see that Jack's arm was bleeding._

"_What happened?"_

"_We have to go back for Carter!" Jack demanded._

"_You're not going anywhere, Colonel, until you've had that arm checked."_

_General Hammond followed them to the infirmary. Teal'c laid Daniel down as Janet and her team took charge._

_Jack sat down on a bed and a nurse helped him remove his jacket and t-shirt so they could get a look at his wound._

_Dr. Warner came rushing in, asked Janet how he could help and she pointed to Jack. "Check the Colonel."_

_As Teal'c and General Hammond watched the medical team rush around, Teal'c explained to General Hammond what had happened._

_************_

_The next thing Jack was aware of, he was waking up. His upper arm was bandaged and Dr. Warner stood over him. "How are you feeling, Colonel?"_

_Jack blinked his eyes a few times and remembered what had happened. "I need to see Hammond . . . now!"_

"_You need to rest."_

_Jack tried to get out of bed but the Doctor put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "You have to stay in bed."_

"_Okay, I'll stay in bed but get Hammond down here right now!"_

_The Doctor walked to a phone on the wall and called the General. A few minutes later, he came through the doors of the infirmary._

"_Colonel, Teal'c told me what happened on the planet. I've sent SG-3 and SG-9 to search for Major Carter. Teal'c has gone with them so all we can do now is wait."_

_Jack turned his head to see Daniel in the bed next to him._

"_How's Daniel?"_

"_According to Dr. Frasier, he'll be okay. The bullet didn't hit any major organs."_

_The next day, Teal'c, SG-3 and SG-9 returned. Teal'c informed Jack and Daniel that they could find no sign of Sam or the men who had taken her._

_Jack ran his hand through his hair, feeling helpless and sick to his stomach._

_General Hammond got in touch with the Tok'ra to inform Jacob that Sam had been kidnapped and Jacob arrived a few hours later to join in the search for his daughter._

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N: This entire chapter is in flashbacks.**

_General Hammond continued to send out search teams around the clock._

_Although his arm was quite sore, Jack had asked Janet to let him return to work to help look for Sam and she had reluctantly allowed him to do so. He, Teal'c and Jacob had searched for Sam by themselves or had accompanied other teams._

_Jack had now spent every waking hour looking for Sam. Every time a team returned without finding her, Jack felt the despair creep in a little deeper._

_It was in the afternoon as SG-10 returned through the stargate and Major Henderson glanced up at the briefing room as he came down the ramp. He noticed Jack looking through the window and slowly shook his head to indicate they'd had no luck in finding Sam._

_Jack could hardly take not knowing where Sam might be. He went top side, wandering into the edge of the woods. Sitting down on the ground, he raised his legs, put his elbows on his knees and locked his hands behind his neck as tears stung his eyes. Taking deep breaths he looked up and stared into the trees._

_He'd had a lot of time to think about Sam since she had been kidnapped. He had long ago admitted to himself how much he cared about her, and now he wasn't sure if he would ever see her again. He might never have another chance to tell her how much he loved her. Guilt weighed heavily on his mind that she had not been found._

_Hearing a twig snap, he turned his head to see Jacob standing a few feet away._

_Jacob sat down beside him and neither said a word for a few moments until Jacob broke the silence._

"_I know you're blaming yourself for what happened to Sam but this is not your fault."_

_Jack quickly turned his head and looked at Jacob. "Yes, it is. It's my job to protect my team and Carter is a member of my team. Now she's God knows where and she's being held against her will. She may be injured, she may have been tortured or she might even be . . . and I can't find her to bring her home."_

"_Jack, Sam knew the risks that go with this job but she was willing to take those risks. I'm certainly not blaming you and no one else is either. Please don't take this whole situation upon yourself."_

"_I can't help it, Jacob. I keep going over and over what happened, wondering if there was something that I could have done differently and she would be here now instead of out there somewhere" he said with a wave of his hand._

_Jacob looked at the ground, rubbed his forehead and looked at Jack._

"_May I ask you something?"_

"_I guess."_

"_Be honest with me, Jack, because this conversation is between Jacob and Jack, not General and Colonel."_

"_Okay."_

"_Are you in love with my daughter?"_

_Jack hesitated for a moment as he looked into the trees. Changing positions, he stared at the ground and answered a quiet "yes."_

"_She's in love with you too."_

_Jack turned his head and looked at Jacob._

"_I've seen the way she looks at you. I had suspected for a long time but never said anything to her about it, but then something happened to confirm it. When you and Teal'c were stranded in the death glider not long ago, she was so determined to rescue you. When I came back with you to Earth, I spent the night at Sam's place before I went back to join the Tok'ra. We were both hungry so we went into the kitchen to get something to eat. Sam opened the refrigerator door and suddenly stopped. She started to cry and I put my arm around her and we sat down."_

_Jack didn't take his eyes off Jacob._

"_Well, as you know, Sam hardly ever cries over anything so I asked her what was wrong. She finally wiped the tears from her cheeks and hesitated before she finally told me. She said she had been so scared that we weren't going to get to you and Teal'c in time to save you, but now that we had, she was so relieved. I asked her if she loves you and she answered that she does. I had never seen Sam cry over a man before so I knew that her feelings for you are very deep. We talked a long time and it was the best conversation that Sam and I ever had."_

_Jack stretched out his legs and put his hands in his lap. "Even if we do love each other, we can't do anything about it because of the regulations."_

"_Oh, I don't know, Jack. If you want to be together badly enough you'll find a way to make it happen."_

"_But first, we have to find her."_

_Jacob squeezed Jack's shoulder. "I know. I want her back as much as you do."_

_************_

_The next morning, Jacob, Jack and Teal'c sat together eating breakfast in the commissary. They were scheduled to leave for another search for Sam as soon as they finished eating, when an announcement was made by Walter._

"_Unscheduled off-world activation. Incoming wormhole."_

_The men stood and ran to the gate room and Daniel met them there._

_Jack's heart was pounding as they came through the doors and he looked up to see General Hammond coming down the stairs to the control room._

_Walter looked at the General. "It's Major Bentley's team, sir."_

"_Let them through."_

_General Hammond ran downstairs to join the others and suddenly there was Major Bentley carrying Sam through the event horizon. The other three members of the Major's team followed closely behind, all looking worried. Major Bentley hurried down the ramp and headed to the infirmary. Jack walked beside him with everyone else following closely behind._

_They noticed that Sam was wearing a dirty tan dress that looked much too large for her small frame and she was barefooted._

_Jack could see a bruise on Sam's cheek as if someone had hit her, dried blood from a cut on her bottom lip and a small streak of blood in her hair. Her wrists had been bleeding and her hands were bruised. There were bloody cuts on her feet as if she had been walking without her boots. He feared what injuries were hidden by the dress._

_Just as they entered the infirmary, Jack saw Sam's eyes open and she looked startled._

'_Dear God, Sam' Jack thought 'what did they do to you?'_

_Major Bentley carefully laid Sam on the bed as Janet and Dr. Warner took charge. Major Bentley stepped back as Janet told everyone to wait in the corridor._

"_Where did you find Major Carter?" Teal'c asked as one of the nurses closed the door to the infirmary._

_Major Bentley took off his cap and ran his hand through his hair. "We came upon a small village, ran into three men and asked if they had seen Sam. Before they could say anything, we heard a woman scream from inside one of the small houses. The men drew weapons on us and a firefight ensued. We killed one of the men and the other two ran away. My team ran in to find Major Carter with her hands tied to the leg of a bed. I bent down to help her but she tried to kick me. I talked softly to her until she finally recognized who we were. We untied her hands and tried to help her stand but she collapsed."_

_Jacob slumped against the wall and covered his face with his hands, so Daniel quickly placed a chair beside him. Daniel put his arm around Jacob's shoulder and eased him into the chair as the long wait began to hear from the doctors of Sam's condition._

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had now been almost an hour since the waiting had begun.

Jacob felt tired as he changed positions in the chair. Glancing at Sam's teammates, he could see the worry lines in Daniel's face. He had admired the young man since the first time they had met. Daniel was intelligent, sensitive and like a brother to Sam.

He looked at Teal'c, standing so still with his hands clasped behind his back as if he were watching over his teammates. When he had been dying from cancer, Sam had introduced him to Teal'c on another planet as everyone rushed around to evacuate the Tok'ra. Teal'c was a big man and he knew that he could easily kill someone with his bare hands, and probably had done so many times when he had served as first prime to Apophis. As he came to know Teal'c better, the more he respected him. He knew his loyalty was to his teammates and to Earth which had become his second home.

His eyes wandered to Jack, sitting so still, but knowing the turmoil that was going on inside his friend. When he had met Jack for the first time in Washington, he was unsure what to think of Sam's CO. He could see what a handsome man he was and the attraction between Jack and his daughter. He had hoped that Sam wouldn't end up with a broken heart. George had told him of Jack's background: his black ops days, his time in Iraq, his divorce and death of his young son. He was loyal to his job, his teammates and his country. He knew Jack was intelligent but covered it with jokes and sarcasm. He also knew the kind and caring side of Jack when he had witnessed how close he became to Reetou Charlie in just a few days. He admired Jack for many things, especially the respect he always gave to Sam and her career. And now, he could see the stress on his face as they sat waiting for news of Sam.

General Hammond soon joined the group. "Any word yet?"

Just as Jacob was about to answer, the doors of the infirmary opened and out came Janet with Dr. Warner, both looking grim.

Jacob, Jack and Daniel stood up.

"How is she?" Daniel asked.

Janet stuck her hands in the pockets of her lab coat but couldn't bring herself to look at the men as she stared at the floor. "Not good I'm afraid."

"What does that mean?" Jack asked.

Janet looked at Jack as she tried not to cry.

Jacob spoke up. "Just tell us please."

"She was abused and . . . raped" Dr. Warner answered.

Jacob gasped as General Hammond stared at Dr. Warner with a look of shock, not knowing what to say.

"Oh, dear God" Daniel mumbled as he put his hand to his mouth.

Teal'c stared at the wall with a look of intense hatred for the men who had done this to his friend.

Jack could hardly breathe as he clinched his fists and stuck his hands in his pockets.

After a few moments, General Hammond broke the silence. "How extensive are her injuries?"

Janet cleared her throat. "She's dehydrated, has broken ribs on her left side, multiple bruises and quite a bump on the back of her head causing a concussion which may affect her memory."

"Will she be okay, I mean, aside from the obvious psychological . . ." General Hammond asked.

"Her physical injuries will heal in time, sir, but I'm not sure about . . ." Janet trailed off as she took a deep breath.

Jacob took a step forward. "When can I see my daughter?"

"We gave her something to help her sleep, sir, so it'll be awhile" Dr. Warner answered.

"Did she say anything about what happened?" Daniel asked.

Janet shook her head. "She's in shock, Daniel, she hasn't said a word. I tried to ask her some questions but she just stared at the ceiling. She has to be in a lot of pain but she didn't even cry out when we were examining her."

The men could see tears in Janet's eyes. "I need to get back to my patient. Excuse me." Turning quickly, she went back inside the infirmary.

Jack couldn't take it any more as he suddenly left the room.

************

Daniel knocked on the door of Jack's quarters. Not getting an answer, he slowly opened the door to see Jack lying on the bed with his arm over his eyes.

Hesitating for a moment, Daniel entered, closed the door and slowly walked toward Jack. He pulled up a chair and sat down beside him.

"Jack . . ."

"I don't want to hear it, Daniel."

"This is not your fault."

Jack set up quickly, put his feet on the floor and glared at his friend. "I said I don't want to hear it!"

"I don't care if you don't want to hear it! This is not your fault, no one is blaming you! Sam certainly wouldn't blame you."

Jack stood and began to pace the room. "I just . . . I keep seeing that bastard drag her into the woods and I did nothing to help."

"Jack, you were injured and might have bled to death if Teal'c had not made you come back to the base. You were outnumbered and if you had gone after Sam they most likely would have killed you."

"That may be true but I should have done something."

"It isn't going to do any good to dwell on that now. You need to put that behind you. Sam is going to need our help to get through this."

"She'll never be the same again, Daniel. A person never fully recovers from something like this. Believe me, I know."

Daniel knew that Jack had been tortured during his time of imprisonment in Iraq, but Jack had never told him everything that had happened to him while he was there. From what he had heard about what went on in POW prisons, he wasn't sure he wanted to know everything that had happened to his friend.

"I'm sorry, Jack, I know you went through a lot."

"I want to help Sam but what will I say to her when I see her?"

"I don't know, Jack. I don't know."

************

Getting very little sleep since Sam had been missing, Jack knew he wouldn't be any good to Sam or anyone if he didn't at least try to get some rest. But sleep wouldn't come. Just when he would start to doze off, images of an injured Sam would flash through his mind and he would jerk awake with his heart racing and perspiration on his face.

Realizing he was fighting a losing battle, he got dressed and headed to the infirmary, eager to reassure himself, yet again, that Sam was safely home.

It was the wee hours of the morning as he silently crept into the infirmary. Janet sat at a table, making notes in a file with several more files stacked in front of her. She looked tired but he knew there was no way she would go home to get some rest when Sam needed her here.

Noticing Jack from the corner of her eye, Janet quickly turned her head. Knowing why he was here, she pointed at the bed with the curtain drawn around it at the far end of the infirmary.

Heading toward the bed, he stopped just outside the curtain and peeked around to see the light above the bed had been dimmed. Sam was lying on her side. Stepping closer, he could see that she was awake, staring at the wall as her tears wet the pillow.

Realizing he didn't know what to say to her, he watched. She seemed not to notice him at all. Her arm was on top of the blanket, an IV in her hand. He could see dark bruises on her arm where she had been abused.

A lump appeared in his throat and he once again felt guilty for not having done more to protect her. Suddenly backing away from the bed, Janet watched as he fled from the room.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N: To get a better understanding of rape victims and how they feel, think and act, I talked at length with a woman who is a counselor at a rape crisis center. Her input was most helpful as I wrote this story.**

Janet awoke and looked at her watch. It was 07:03. Standing up, she put her arms over her head and stretched. Sleeping on the cot in her office was not the most restful sleep that she'd ever had, but instead of going home, she wanted to be close by in case Sam needed her during the night.

Janet hurried out of her office, eager to see her friend. Walking around Sam's bed, she slid her hand onto Sam's wrist and checked her pulse.

Sam's eyes slowly opened.

"Good morning, Sam."

Sam stared at her for a moment, looked down at Janet's hand still on her wrist, and suddenly pulled her arm away.

"It's okay, Sam. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

Sam stared at her with a frightened look in her eyes.

"Do you know who I am?"

Sam reached up and touched the bump on her head.

"Does your head hurt?"

Sam pulled the blanket up to her chin and stared at the wall.

"Are you hungry? I haven't eaten yet this morning. I'll have someone bring us breakfast and we can eat together. Would that be okay?"

Sam didn't answer.

Janet slowly reached for Sam's hand and held it gently. Janet smiled when Sam squeezed her fingers.

"I need to call the commissary and have them bring us something to eat." Janet started to pull her hand away but Sam held on tightly.

Realizing that Sam did not want to be left alone, Janet asked one of the nurses to have their breakfasts brought to them.

"Would you like to sit up?"

Sam stared at her for a few moments and nodded. Janet pushed the button to raise the head of the bed.

"Is that better?"

Sam again pulled the blanket up to her chin and Janet sat down in a chair.

Janet wasn't sure if she should try to get Sam to talk or just sit quietly beside her. She knew that Sam was a strong woman, but what had happened to her on the planet was something she was not going to come to terms with soon or easily.

Her mind drifted back to a time during her medical training when she had worked for a short time in a hospital emergency room. She had seen a few rape victims and the horrible physical pain that women went through. But as horrible as the physical pain could be, she knew the emotional trauma could last a lifetime. Women would sometimes turn to alcohol or drugs just so they wouldn't have to think of how they had been treated, sometimes by someone they loved.

Janet took a deep breath as tears threatened to come when she thought about Sam. Janet knew the physical pain would heal in time, but the emotional scars would never go away completely and she was determined to do everything in her power to help Sam through this.

She had never discussed it with Sam, but she was aware that Sam loved Jack and Jack loved Sam. She knew that Jack, better than anyone else, was in the best position to help Sam through this upcoming long ordeal of recovery, but he was feeling guilty for not having better protected Sam from the men who had harmed her.

She also knew that General Hammond would not permit Sam to go back to work until she talked with and was cleared for active duty by Dr. McKenzie. Active duty for Sam would be a long way down the road and Sam might even choose to not go through the gate again, and no one would blame her if she felt that way.

As she sat lost in thought, Jacob came around the curtain and noticed that Janet was holding Sam's hand.

Janet smiled. "Good morning."

Jacob quickly nodded to Janet but his eyes went to Sam as he came to stand beside her.

"Hello, Sam."

Sam shrank back against the pillow, turned her head and stared at the wall. Her hand trembled as she held tighter to Janet's hand.

"It's okay, honey. This is your Dad. Do you remember him?"

Sam turned her head slightly and stared at Jacob out of the corner of her eye.

At that moment, a nurse and an SF came in, each carrying a tray of food.

"Would you let me see what they brought us?" Janet asked.

Sam let go of Janet's hand but watched her every move as the nurse set a tray on the bed tray and Janet moved it in front of Sam.

The SF handed the other tray to Janet and she set it on her chair as the SF and nurse walked out.

Janet took off the cover of Sam's tray to find scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, a small dish of yogurt and a cup of coffee.

Janet smiled. "That looks pretty good, Sam, don't you think?"

Sam looked at the food as Jacob stared at her, unsure of what to say to his daughter.

Janet picked up her own tray and sat down.

Janet and Jacob watched as Sam slowly raised her hand and picked up a fork. She took a bite of scrambled eggs, then another and another. Sam dropped the fork, picked up a piece of bacon and crammed it in her mouth, hardly chewing. Then came more eggs and a big bite of toast.

Janet quickly set her tray on the floor and stood up.

"Sam, don't eat so fast, you'll make yourself sick. Chew before you swallow."

Janet glanced at Jacob and could see tears in his eyes.

"I'll come back later" he said as he hurriedly left the room.

Janet picked up a napkin from Sam's tray and gently wiped Sam's mouth.

Sam sat totally still for a few moments, then picked up the coffee cup and took a sip.

"Good" Sam whispered.

Janet's eyes grew wide and she started to smile. "Yes, the coffee is good."

Sam had just spoken for the first time since her rescue.

"Do you want to finish eating?"

Sam picked up the fork and continued to eat at a slower pace until everything was gone except the yogurt. Janet sat back down as she watched Sam pick up the dish of yogurt and put a spoonful in her mouth.

Sam stared at the yogurt. "I like blueberry."

Janet grinned. "Me too."

Sam soon finished the yogurt and sipped the coffee.

Sadness swept over Janet. When Sam had been rescued, it was very evident that she had lost weight. She realized that Sam had probably had nothing to eat the whole time she had been held captive on the planet, and that was why she rushed to eat everything on her plate, fearing the food would be taken away.

Sam finished the cup of coffee and set it on her tray, picked up the napkin and wiped her fingers. Laying down the napkin, she gently touched the bruises on her arms and hands. Tears started down her cheeks so Janet stood quickly and wrapped her arms around her as Sam began to wail.

"Why? Why did they do this to me?"

Tears came to Janet's eyes as she held her friend.

Outside the curtain stood Jack, Teal'c and Daniel, just having come into the infirmary and overhearing what Sam had said to Janet. Daniel crossed his arms and looked at the floor. Teal'c stood completely still and stared at the wall. Jack sat down in a chair, put his hand over his mouth and took a deep breath.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Janet sat down on the side of the bed and continued to hug Sam.

Sam cried for a long time, eventually slumping against Janet, feeling so overwrought she could not sit up any longer. Janet slowly lowered her to the bed and looked into Sam's face and Sam stared into her eyes.

Janet choked back tears. "You'll get through this, Sam, I promise. Your Dad, your friends and I are here to help. As long as it takes, we'll help you through this. Nobody is ever going to hurt you like this again."

Janet handed a tissue box to Sam and she pulled out a few, wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

"You need to rest."

Sam slowly turned over on her side and closed her eyes as Janet pulled the blanket over her shoulder.

Janet stood back from her, grabbed a tissue and quickly wiped her eyes. Stepping around the curtain, she came to a halt when she saw Sam's teammates.

"Hey" she said as she tried to gain her composure.

Daniel touched Janet's arm. "You okay?"

Janet nodded as she quickly glanced back at Sam. She motioned for the men to follow her to her office and Teal'c closed the door.

"How's Sam doing?" Daniel asked.

Janet sighed. "Physically, she'll be sore until her ribs and the bump on the back of her head have a chance to heal, not to mention all the bruises. Emotionally, she's a wreck, as any woman is after going through this."

Jack leaned against Janet's desk. "How can we help?"

"I suggest that you drop by to see her and just sit with her, but don't ask her any questions about what happened on the planet. Just let her know that you care about her and that when she needs you, you'll be there. Just take your cues from her."

The men nodded their heads in understanding.

Janet folded her arms. "I worked with rape victims during my medical training but not in a counseling capacity. I talked with Dr. McKenzie and his practice has not covered this very much either. We agreed it would be best to bring in someone who has thorough training in this area. Dr. McKenzie and I met briefly with General Hammond and made this suggestion."

"You have someone in mind?" Daniel asked.

"Her name is Dr. Susan Murphy. She has clearance so that won't be a problem. We worked together before I came to the SGC. She is now working with patients at Walter Reed on cases of post-traumatic stress disorder. I know that she has also counseled rape victims. She's a very good psychologist so I called and asked her if she would come."

Janet put her hands in her pockets. "I would like to say this. Deep inside, Sam trusts you three, and her Dad, more than anyone else. But it's going to take awhile, how long I'm not sure, until she fully regains that trust, so be prepared for a long road ahead."

"But she'll never fully get over it" Jack said as a statement more than a question.

Janet looked at Jack.

"In time I think she'll come to accept that it happened but never completely get over it, sir."

************

That evening, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c sat in a booth at O'Malley's. They had just finished their dinner, where there had been little conversation.

Daniel looked at Jack as he stared at the table.

"What are you thinking?"

Jack raised his head and looked into Daniel's eyes. "How much I'd like to go back to that planet, track down the rest of those bastards and kill them for what they did to Carter."

Teal'c clasped his hands on top of the table. "I would accompany you, O'Neill. Justice would prevail."

"I think it'd be a pretty safe bet that you'd have all the teams at the base volunteering to go with you" Daniel added.

The friends sat in silence again until Jack reached into his pocket, pulled out some bills and tossed a few on the table.

"I'm tired. I'm going home. I'll see you in the morning."

Daniel and Teal'c watched Jack walk through the restaurant and out the door.

Teal'c looked at Daniel. "Guilt weighs heavily on O'Neill's mind. He blames himself."

"I know" Daniel said with sadness in his eyes. "I haven't seen Jack like this since our first trip to Abydos."

Jack arrived at home and went inside. With a full moon shining in the cloudless sky, he could see how to get through his house without turning on the lights. He went into his bedroom, undressed and got into bed. Putting his hands behind his head, he stared at the ceiling. Tears moistened his eyes as he thought about Sam and how much he wanted to wrap her in his arms and protect her forever.

After losing Charlie so quickly and now almost losing Sam, he knew how fragile life could be. He was determined that at the right moment, he would tell Sam how much he loved her.

************

The next day after lunch, General Hammond asked Jack, Daniel and Teal'c to join him in the briefing room. Upon their arrival, they found Jacob already there, seated beside Dr. McKenzie. On the other side of the table sat Janet next to a woman with short brown hair, about the same age as Janet and Sam.

Teal'c sat down beside Janet as Jack and Daniel joined Jacob and Dr. McKenzie on the other side of the table.

General Hammond started the meeting.

"This is Dr. Susan Murphy. She has already met Dr. McKenzie and Jacob."

He then introduced her to Jack, Daniel and Teal'c.

"Dr. Murphy comes highly recommended by Dr. Frasier. Dr. Murphy, welcome."

Dr. Murphy smiled. "Thank you, General."

General Hammond continued. "After talking with Dr. Frasier and reading Dr. Murphy's file, she seems well qualified to be here to help Major Carter. I'm sure you have some questions, so let's hear them."

Jack spoke up. "How much counseling of rape victims have you had?"

Dr. Murphy leaned up, placed her forearms on the table and clasped her hands together as she looked at Jack.

"About twelve years. You see, Colonel, I think I'm very well qualified to help Major Carter because, not only am I a doctor, I also have personal experience in this area. I was raped when I was twenty years old by someone I knew."

The room was silent as everyone, except Janet, stared at the doctor.

Jack looked at Janet. "You knew about this?"

"Yes, I knew, but I wasn't going to mention it. I didn't know if Susan would want all of you to know about her personal life."

"It isn't something that I tell a lot of people, Colonel" Dr. Murphy continued, "but I thought it would be best if I let you know, since Janet tells me that you're a very close team and would want to know all about me before you decide if you want to trust me with Major Carter."

"Would you give us your take on the situation?" Daniel asked.

Dr. Murphy took a moment to gather her thoughts. "As a victim and as a doctor, I can tell you that this is the most traumatic experience that Major Carter will ever face. Janet tells me that she's a very strong woman physically, psychologically and emotionally. But when a woman goes through this, her self-esteem plummets, for a time she may not trust her family or friends, she will think she is unworthy of love and respect, and she might, irrationally, think that what happened is somehow her fault. Some women even contemplate suicide."

Dr. Murphy paused.

"I was raped by someone I trusted, someone that I never thought would want to harm me in that way. I won't give you the details but I went through counseling for almost a year. Each woman is different. Some women need short-term counseling, some need long-term. I just want you to know that your love, support and friendship will be the one thing that will help her most in the long run."

"How should we act around her?" General Hammond asked.

"Don't ask her questions about what occurred unless she brings it up and if she does, let her talk. Talking is the best thing she can do. She does not need to keep her feelings inside. If she cries, let her cry. If she screams, let her scream. Some women stop eating, some eat too much. She'll have mood swings and will be depressed. Some women feel they will never be clean again, no matter how much they bathe. Major Carter probably will not want to be touched unless she initiates it herself. Right now she sees men as the enemy and that probably includes all of you, even her father" Dr. Murphy said as she glanced at Jacob.

"Believe me, she will have nightmares and possibly panic attacks. She may not want to be alone. She may not want to be alone in her own home. She may not want to go outside by herself and if she does, she may feel she's being stalked. There are so many different thoughts and feelings that run through a woman's mind after going through this, a lot of them irrational feelings, but that's how traumatic and deplorable this crime is."

"I'm just curious. What happened to the man that raped you?" Daniel asked.

"As I told you, I knew the man. He didn't think I would report it, but I did. I was determined that he was not going to get away with it. A close friend took me to the hospital and I had pictures taken of the different areas of my body where he beat me. I also had DNA tests done to prove that he was the one that raped me. He was arrested, put in jail and eventually we went to trial. As the trial progressed, and because of the evidence I had to back me up, it became apparent to him that he was probably going to spend the rest of his life in prison. The trial was winding down and the next day the verdict would have gone to the jury. That night, he hanged himself in his cell."

Jack smirked. "He got what was coming to him."

Dr. Murphy nodded her head. "Yes, he did."

"When do you plan to get started?" Jacob asked.

"Right after this meeting. Dr. Frasier will introduce me to Major Carter and I'll see how she responds."

"And if she doesn't want to talk with you?" Jack asked.

"I'll keep coming back until she does. As all of you know, doctor-patient confidentiality is a must in these circumstances. I can give you progress reports to let you know how she is progressing but I cannot reveal to you our actual conversations. If she chooses to tell you what happened, then that's her prerogative. From what Janet and her Dad have told me, Major Carter tends to keep things to herself and says she's okay when she really isn't. That will be the hard part for me, getting her to admit that this happened in the first place. Believe me, denial is a very big factor that comes into play in circumstances like this, at first. She has got to face her demons and once I get her past that part and she is willing to accept that it happened, then we can make progress."

General Hammond glanced at everyone. "Any more questions?"

Everyone was silent.

"Okay. Keep me informed of your progress, Doctors" General Hammond said as he adjourned the meeting.

************

Janet and Dr. Murphy entered the infirmary to find Sam sitting up in bed, staring into space.

Janet smiled as they approached.

"Hi, Sam."

Sam turned her head, glanced at Dr. Murphy and stared at Janet.

"Sam, this is Dr. Susan Murphy. She's a psychologist and she's here to talk with you."

Dr. Murphy smiled at Sam as she stepped closer.

"Hello, Sam. It's nice to meet you."

Sam turned her head and stared at the wall.

Janet and Dr. Murphy glanced at each other.

"Would you like to get up and sit in a chair while Dr. Murphy is here?"

"No" Sam replied sharply.

Janet put her hand on Sam's. "Okay, if you don't want to get up, then at least talk with Dr. Murphy. I'll leave you two alone." Janet stepped outside the curtain and walked away.

Dr. Murphy pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Sam, I want to help. How are you feeling?"

Sam frowned at the doctor. "How do you think I'm feeling?" she asked sarcastically.

"Well, if you're feeling like I think you are, then aside from the physical pain, you're hurt and scared and you feel like you're losing your mind. But more than anything else, you're angry."

Sam stared at the doctor. "Now why would you think I'm angry?"

"Aren't you?"

Sam blinked back tears, bit her lip and looked down at her hands.

"I certainly was after I was raped" Dr. Murphy said softly.

Sam's head snapped up and she stared into Dr. Murphy's eyes.

"Yes, Sam, it happened to me so I know something of what you're going through right now."

Sam put her hands to her face and began to sob. Dr. Murphy stood quickly, sat down on the side of the bed, put her arm around Sam and let her cry.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It was before sunrise as Jack lay in bed staring into the darkness. Having had another restless night, he decided to get up and go to the base.

Upon arriving, he headed to the gym and spent the first twenty minutes taking out his frustrations on a punching bag.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Teal'c slip inside the room and stand in the corner, observing him.

Jack spent the next ten minutes on a treadmill, walking as fast as he his bum knee would let him, all the while thinking about Sam and how much he wanted to see her.

Just as Jack stepped off the treadmill, Teal'c came walking toward him.

"Good morning, O'Neill."

"Morning, T."

"You are here early."

Jack picked up a towel and wiped the perspiration from his face and neck. "Yeah."

"Did you have a sleepless night?"

"Does it show?"

"You do not look rested. Your thoughts are on Major Carter."

Jack looked at the towel in his hand. "Yes, they are."

"As are mine. I was unable to kel-no-reem as deeply as I would have liked."

Jack started to walk away but stopped. "I . . . I just . . . I don't know what to say to her, Teal'c. What will I say to her? I want to help but I don't know how."

"Just let her know you are her friend. You will know the correct words to say at the appropriate time."

Jack showered and dressed. After a quick breakfast, he wandered into Daniel's office to see him sitting at his desk with a cup of coffee in his hand while reading an old book.

"Morning, Daniel."

Daniel looked up. "Good morning, Jack."

"Tell me you didn't spend the night in this room."

Daniel set down the coffee cup, propped his elbows on his desk and rubbed his forehead. "No, I didn't. I came in here somewhere around 5:00, I think it was. Couldn't sleep."

"Then it seems that you, me and Teal'c had the same problem last night."

Daniel sighed. "I've only known one other woman who was raped, Jack, and we weren't very close."

He paused for a moment. "I just don't know what to do to help Sam."

Jack sat down on a stool across from Daniel. "I don't either. I don't want to say the wrong thing."

At that moment, Teal'c wandered in.

"Good morning, Daniel Jackson."

"Morning, Teal'c."

The three friends were silent for a few moments until Jack stood up.

"Let's go see her."

Daniel leaned back in his chair. "Maybe it would be best if we went one at a time. Having all three of us there might make her nervous."

"Yeah, that's probably true. Who wants to go first?"

Teal'c and Daniel looked at each other.

"Okay, I'll go."

Jack walked slowly toward the infirmary, wanting to see Sam but dreading it at the same time. Just as he was about to go in, Janet came out.

"Good morning, Colonel."

"Hey. How is she?"

"I think she's a little better. Sam talked a few minutes with Dr. Murphy yesterday."

"When is Dr. Murphy coming back?"

"Some time this afternoon."

"Is it okay if I go in?"

"Jacob is with her right now. Why don't you wait until he comes out."

"Okay."

Janet went on down the corridor as Jack sat down in a chair to wait.

************

At first, Sam had not wanted to talk with her Dad and would not look at him as he sat on the side of her bed. A few moments later, Sam looked into his eyes and laid her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You know, Sam . . ."

Jacob paused as he choked back tears, cleared his throat and tried to speak again.

"When you were a little girl and you would fall down and hurt yourself or you weren't feeling well, you would climb up on my lap and lay your head on my shoulder and I'd wrap my arms around you. We wouldn't talk, you just wanted to be comforted and held. We'd sit like that for a long time. I'd just hold you until you felt better."

"I remember, Dad" Sam whispered.

Jacob paused as the tears came again.

"I don't know how to make this better, sweetheart. I don't know what to say, except I'm so sorry this happened. I want to go track down the men that did this to you and kill every last one of them."

Sam leaned back and Jacob held her hands.

"I just want you to know that I'm here for you, honey, if you want to talk or you don't want to talk or if you just want some company."

Sam shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I understand. But, honey, if you don't want to talk with me, do talk with Dr. Murphy. I think you'll feel better. Just remember that I love you very much and I'll be here as long as you need me."

Tears filled Sam's eyes. "I'll always need you, Dad."

************

Jack looked up as the door to the infirmary opened and out walked Jacob. Jack stood up and could see that Jacob's eyes were a little red.

"Morning, Jake."

"Hey." Jacob quickly wiped his eyes and looked closer at Jack. "You look tired."

"I don't think any of us are getting much sleep right now. How is she?"

Jacob sighed. "She's not talking much, which is to be expected. I just sat with her until she fell asleep."

"Can I go in?"

"Sure. I'll be in the commissary if anybody needs me."

Jack entered the infirmary and stepped around the curtain to see Sam. The head of the bed was raised and her arms were on top of the cover. He flinched once again when he saw the bruises.

Sitting down in a chair he stared at her face. His mind wandered back to the day they had met, he didn't think he would ever forget the moment he first saw her. His heart jumped to his throat and he stared at the beautiful woman with bright blue eyes, shiny blonde hair and terrific figure as she introduced herself and saluted. A smile came to his face as he remembered the comment she made about her reproductive organs and her offer to arm wrestle. He liked her feistiness and had known from that very moment that he was in trouble.

He had been a little skeptical about working with this scientist, seriously doubting her skills as a soldier. But the longer they worked together, he came to find out that she was not only brilliant, she was one of the best officers he had ever served with. She could also be a very feminine lady. The first time he had seen her in the leather riding gear she wore when she rode her motorcycle, he felt he couldn't breathe. The leather molded to her curves and he couldn't help but stare. He remembered Daniel trying to hide his grin at his reaction to Sam, and Daniel poking him in the ribs with his elbow as he practically drooled over her. He had this overwhelming urge to take her in his arms right then and there and kiss her, but he had to remind himself that she was his subordinate and he had to try and ignore his feelings for her.

He sat there a long time, going over in his head some of the missions they had been on when Sam had saved his life.

All of a sudden, Sam started yelling and waving her arms.

"Stay away from me! Stay away from me! Let me go! Let me go!"

Jack stood and quietly talked to her.

"It's okay, Sam. It's okay. You're safe."

"Leave me alone!" She quickly set up in bed, eyes wide with panic.

Jack tried to talk soothingly to her. "Sam, it's me. Jack."

Sam was breathing so fast she was almost hyperventilating but she seemed to finally recognize him.

"You're okay. You're safe" he tried to reassure her.

With shaking hands, she reached up and rested her right hand on the bump on her head.

"They hurt me."

Jack remembered that Dr. Murphy had told them that Sam might not want to be touched, but not knowing the right words to comfort her, he slowly sat down on the side of the bed and held out his arms, giving her the choice. Sam looked into his eyes, laid her head on his chest and began to cry. Holding her tightly, he swallowed the lump in his throat. He began to gently rub her back and he could feel her trembling.

"Please don't leave me, Jack" she whispered as she bunched his shirt with her fists.

"I won't, Sam. I promise I won't."

From the foot of the bed, Janet and Jacob stood watching.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Jack continued to hold Sam as her breathing slowly returned to normal.

He heard movement behind them and turned his head to see Janet and Jacob. At that moment, he didn't care if Hammond was watching; Sam needed him and he wasn't about to let her go until she was ready.

Jacob and Janet approached them and Sam heard their footsteps. She raised her head from Jack's chest and wiped her cheeks as Jack released her.

Janet stood beside her friend. "Can I get you anything?"

Sam grabbed a tissue and wiped her nose. "Water."

Janet poured a cup of water and handed it her. She drank all of it and asked for more.

Janet refilled the cup. "You need to drink as much water as you can."

Sam looked into Janet's eyes. "I need to use the bathroom."

Janet pushed back the cover and Sam slid her legs over the side of the bed. Janet helped her into a robe and Janet put her arm around Sam's waist as they walked slowly to the bathroom.

Jacob turned to Jack. "Your being here is helping her."

Jack stuck his hands in his pockets. "I hope so. I don't know the right words to say to her . . . but I can hug her."

Jacob smiled.

************

That afternoon Dr. Murphy returned to talk with Sam.

So the women could have some privacy, General Hammond arranged for them to talk in one of the vacant VIP rooms.

After Janet helped Sam into her robe, Sam sat in a wheelchair as Dr. Murphy pushed her to the elevator. They rode up two floors and got off, entered the room and Dr. Murphy closed the door.

Sam stood up and eased herself onto the bed, put a pillow behind her and leaned against the headboard as she stretched out her legs.

Dr. Murphy pulled up a chair beside Sam, reached into her large purse and got out a pen and notepad.

"How are your ribs?"

Sam clasped her hands in her lap. "Still very tender."

"Sam, I really do want to help and I think you'll feel better if you talk about what happened. Tell me what you're feeling and be honest."

Tears came to Sam's eyes but she choked them back. "Sometimes I feel anger, I want to kill those men for what they did to me. Sometimes I feel like my world has come to an end and I'll never be the same."

Sam paused for a moment and Dr. Murphy gave her time to speak.

"I just want to feel better. I want my life back."

"I know you do, Sam, but in some ways your life will never be the same. Right now, the worst thing you can do is keep everything inside. I know after I was raped, I didn't want to talk with anyone either. I just wanted to go back to the way things were before it happened but I couldn't. The best thing to do is talk and get all your feelings out in the open."

Sam cleared her throat and paused for a moment. "I don't . . . I don't understand why they did this to me."

"We'll never really know why they did this, Sam. Dr. Jackson told me about the events that led up to when he and Colonel O'Neill were injured and you were taken. What happened when the men took you away?"

Sam paused and stared at the wall as she recalled what happened. "The one who dragged me with him held my arms behind my back. He was a big man, very strong, and I tried to get loose but I couldn't. After walking for a few minutes, he let go of my arms and pushed me ahead of him. He warned me that if I tried to run or scream, he would shoot me. We walked through some woods for about a half hour. He told me to stop and sit on the ground and told one of the other men to remove my boots. I guess he thought if I wasn't wearing them, I couldn't run very fast if I tried to get away. The man removed my boots and socks. He opened a satchel he was carrying, pulled out this dirty rope and cut off part of it and tied my hands behind me so tight that the rope cut into my skin.

Sam looked down at her arms and gently rubbed the bandages on her wrists as Dr. Murphy watched.

"I worried about Daniel and Colonel O'Neill. I knew they were both wounded and wondered if they were okay."

Sam paused again.

"I asked him what they were going to do with me and he just sneered at me. I told him that my friends would not leave me behind, that they'd come back for me. He told me that by the time they returned, we would be long gone. We started walking again and it hurt to walk since I was barefooted."

Sam took a deep breath as she held her side.

"We walked about a half hour and came to this little house and he pushed me inside. There was a woman there, about my age. The woman stared at me but didn't say anything. Big burly guy started yelling at her that she better have his food on the table. The woman scurried off into the small kitchen area of the house. I knew right then that she was afraid of the man and she wasn't about to help me get away from him. He made me sit down on the floor and he sat down in an old straight-back chair and stared at me. After the woman put his food on the table, he told her to leave and not come back until the next morning. I asked the man if he lived here in the house and he told me to shut up and slapped me."

Dr. Murphy stopped writing on her notepad and noticed Sam ball her hands into fists. "Do you need to stop, Sam? We can continue tomorrow if you don't feel up to going on today. We can do this at whatever pace you like."

Sam shook her head and Dr. Murphy smiled to herself, realizing that Sam was getting more angry as she talked, but anger was good. She needed to talk and not hold everything inside.

Sam pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her knees and started to rock back and forth as she stared at the wall.

"After the man finished eating, he yelled outside to a man named Ben and he came in. Ben called the man that had taken me, Leo. They pulled me off the floor and . . ."

Sam's eyes started to dart around the room.

"They untied my hands and started to strip off my clothes and pushed me across a bed. I tried to fight. I tried to kick him but they were too strong. Ben pulled my arms above my head and held me down while . . ."

Tears started down Sam's face and she wiped them away as Dr. Murphy waited for her to continue.

"After . . . after Leo was finished, Ben had his turn with me while Leo held me down. After it was over, they tied my hands to the bed posts and went outside."

Sam put her hand over her eyes.

Dr. Murphy could see that Sam was trembling and she watched and waited for Sam to continue. Sam slid off the bed and started to pace the floor.

"I lay there wondering what would happen next. I was desperate to get away from them so I tried to pull my hands through the ropes but they were too tight. I could hear the men talking. A man was saying to Ben that what he and Leo were doing was wrong and that they should let me go. It gave me a little hope that somebody would help me escape. But then I heard Leo yell at the man that he should leave. I guess the man left because I didn't hear him arguing with Ben and Leo any more. That left Ben, Leo and one other man."

Sam slowly sat down on the side of the bed, looked up at the ceiling and took a ragged breath.

"A little later, Ben, Leo and the other guy came inside. The man whose name I didn't know, stared at me, not in a leering way but with a look of sympathy on his face. I didn't know what to do, whether I should try to convince them to let me go or stay quiet. I stared at the other man and tried to get him to look at me, to help me. He sat down on the floor and stared into the fire in the fireplace."

Sam sat back on the bed, picked up a pillow and wrapped her arms around it as she wiped her cheeks and continued.

"Leo sat down beside me on the bed and started running his hands over my breasts and saying how pretty I was. He held the top of my head and tried to kiss me but I bit his lip. That only made him angry so he slapped me again. I stared into his eyes, trying to let him know that after what he and Ben had done, he hadn't intimidated me into submission. He got up off the bed and went outside, leaving me alone with Ben and the other guy. Ben stared at me for a minute, then went outside too. That left the other man. I asked him to help me. He stood up off the floor, pulled up a dirty blanket from the bottom of the bed and covered me with it, without looking directly at me. I asked him again to please help me. I tried to tell him that what they were doing was wrong, but he walked out. I think he was afraid of Ben and Leo."

Sam paused for a moment, grabbed a tissue and wiped her nose.

"I knew that General Hammond would send teams to look for me but unfortunately, the men already suspected that my friends would try to rescue me. We spent the night in that place and the men left me alone. During the night I kept trying to get my hands loose but it wasn't any use, they were tied too tight and I just made them bleed. I was getting exhausted from trying to get loose and not having had anything to eat or drink so I closed my eyes and just lay there. At dawn the next morning, I opened my eyes to see the woman who had been there before, working in the kitchen. I looked around and the three men were sitting at a table. Nobody was saying anything. I stared at the woman, willing her to look at me. She eventually did and I asked for some water. She turned to Leo to get his permission and he finally nodded his head that it was okay. The woman brought me a cup of water and helped me drink it. I whispered to her to please help me get out of there but she ignored me and went back to waiting on the men. They got me off the bed and Leo told the woman to get me something to wear. They took my uniform and my underwear and threw them in the fire so if anyone came looking for me, they wouldn't find my clothes. I don't know what they did with my boots. The woman helped me get into the dress. I told them I needed to go to the bathroom. Ben took me outside and told me to go behind the bushes. He warned me not to run, that if I did, he would shoot me. After I finished, Leo tied my hands again."

Sam paused for a moment.

"Leo grabbed my arm and we started walking. Leo was making me walk so fast that I got cuts on my feet and they began to bleed. We went over a hill and I could see a small village, where people were coming and going. Just when I thought about screaming for help, Leo warned me not to make any noise. He and Ben took me to a barn and put me in a small room on the side of the barn. One end of the room was used to store tools and at the other end, there was a tall pile of wood. Leo pushed me into the corner behind the wood and untied my hands long enough to retie them behind me to a post. If someone came to the door and glanced around, they couldn't see me behind the wood."

Sam suddenly stopped talking.

Sam held her hands to her ribs. "I don't want to do this any more."

Dr. Murphy stood up beside Sam.

"Are you in pain?"

Sam nodded as she tried not to cry.

"Let's get you back to the infirmary. Is it okay if we continue tomorrow or do you need to wait?"

"I need some time."

"Okay, Sam, we'll continue later."

Sam stood and sat down in the wheelchair and Dr. Murphy pushed her down the hall to the elevator.

As they entered the infirmary, they saw Janet talking with Jack, Daniel and Teal'c.

Sam took off the robe and got into bed. She turned over on her side and stared at the wall, not wanting to talk with anyone.

Dr. Murphy motioned for Janet to follow her. The men silently watched as the women walked past them, went into Janet's office and closed the door.

"How did it go, Susan?"

"She's talking and that's good, it's a start. She has so much hurt and anger inside her, Janet, and rightfully so. For what those men did to her, they should be executed, no questions asked. No woman should go through what she went through. It was barbaric."

Janet took a deep breath and put her hands in her pockets as she asked "what's next?"

"Sam needs to take this at her own pace so I'm leaving it up to her as to when we'll continue."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sam awoke to see Teal'c sitting on the floor beside her bed, eyes closed, apparently in a state of kel-no-reem. Beside him was a lit candle. She stared at him, thinking what a loyal friend Teal'c had always been.

Her thoughts drifted back to when Jack had wrapped his arms around her as she cried, holding her until she was ready to let go. After everything she had been through, it had felt so good to be held in the arms of the one person she trusted most. As Jack had held her, she could feel his despair. He had taken a deep breath and she could sense that his own emotions were close to the surface. Knowing that Jack was a man of few words in times like this, he had given her the one thing he could give her without speaking, his warm embrace. She had known for a long time now that she was in love with him.

Apparently sensing her watching him, Teal'c opened his eyes and glanced at her. He blew out the candle and stood from the floor but kept a safe distance between them, trying not to make her uncomfortable.

"Good morning, Major Carter."

Sam slowly turned over on her back, wincing with the pain in her side. "Hi, Teal'c."

"If my presence disturbs you, I will leave."

"No, it's okay. You can stay if you like."

"As you wish."

Sam wiped the sleep from her eyes. "What time is it?"

Teal'c looked at the clock on the far wall. "It is 08:00."

Sam pushed the button to raise the head of the bed just as Daniel came into the infirmary, carrying a vase containing a large arrangement of red roses. He stopped abruptly when he saw that she was awake.

"Sam, I didn't mean to disturb you, but Jack, Teal'c and I wanted to give you these."

Sam swallowed the lump in her throat as tears came to her eyes. "That's really sweet" she whispered.

Daniel set the flowers on the bedside table, just as Janet and Jack came in and stood at the foot of her bed.

Janet smiled. "Oh Sam, what beautiful flowers."

"Daniel, Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill gave them to me. Thank you" she said as she glanced at all three men.

Janet came around the side of the bed and felt Sam's wrist to take her pulse. "You need to eat. I'll have someone bring your breakfast."

Janet walked away to call the commissary.

Daniel folded his arms over his chest. "I guess I should get to work. Teal'c, I could use your help with a translation I'm working on."

"I will assist."

Daniel took a step toward Sam but stopped abruptly. "Is it okay if I give you a kiss?" he hesitantly asked.

Sam nodded and Daniel gently grasped Sam's hand as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Sam smiled at him as he quickly stepped back and let go of her hand.

Teal'c picked up the candle and he and Daniel left the room, leaving Jack and Sam alone. They stared at each other for a few moments.

"I guess I should go . . ." Jack started to say.

"I'd like you to stay, sir . . . if you don't have somewhere else you have to be."

"No, I don't" Jack answered as he pulled up a chair and sat down beside her, glad that she would welcome his company.

"How are the ribs?"

"Sore but I'm breathing a little better."

"And the bump on the head?"

"Still tender."

Jack clasped his hands together and stared at the floor. "Sam, I don't . . . I wish . . . I mean . . . what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry."

"Wasn't your fault, sir."

"Yes, it was. I should have done more to protect you. I should have gone after you. I should have tried to stop them. You don't know what it did to me as I watched them drag you away."

Sam held out her hand to Jack and he clasped her hand between both of his. "You were wounded and needed to get home. If you had come after me, the men would have probably killed you."

"That's what Daniel tried to tell me."

Jacob entered the infirmary and stopped for a moment to watch them, then came closer and cleared his throat to get their attention. They both looked up to see him and Jack let go of Sam's hand as Jacob kissed Sam's cheek.

"Hey, sweetheart, how are you feeling?"

"A little better, Dad."

Jack stood up. "I should go and let you talk."

Sam looked into Jack's eyes. "Will you come back later?"

Jack grinned. "Undomesticated equines, Sam."

Jacob sat down beside Sam and he watched her watch Jack as he walked out the door.

"Jack loves you, you know."

Sam didn't respond for a moment as she stared at her hands.

"He feels guilty, Dad."

"I know he does. He and I had a long talk the night before you were rescued. I'd never seen Jack as upset as he was then."

Sam looked like she was about to cry so Jacob asked about the flowers.

"Those from Jack?"

Sam nodded her head. "And Teal'c and Daniel."

Jacob hesitated for a moment. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Sam frowned. "No."

"Okay. As long as you're talking to Dr. Murphy."

"Do you have to go back to be with the Tok'ra?"

"No. I told Garshaw I need to be with you for awhile. You're much more important to me than they are, honey."

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. I want to help you get through this. Anything you need, just let me know."

"Everyone is tiptoeing around me, trying not to say or do anything to upset me."

"We're just not sure what to do or how to act, honey. Your teammates don't want to ignore you but we're not exactly sure if you want our company either."

An airman came in with Sam's breakfast and set it down on the bed tray. Jacob moved the tray closer to her so she could eat.

Janet walked up to them and put her hands in her pockets. "Sam, you need to let me know when you want to talk with Dr. Murphy again so she can arrange her schedule."

Sam shook her head and answered quickly. "Not today."

Jacob and Janet glanced at each other.

"Okay, I'll let her know. After you've finished eating, I need to check your ribs."

"When can I take a bath?"

"I can give you a sponge bath" Janet offered.

Sam shook her head. "No, I want to take a really hot shower."

Sam positioned the bed tray in front of her, took the top off her tray of food and began to eat.

************

After Sam had finished breakfast, Jacob left the infirmary so Janet could give Sam an exam.

Janet pulled the curtain around Sam's bed to give them privacy.

Sam frowned as Janet slowly pulled the bandage off to check her ribs and threw the old bandage into a trash can. "The bruising is a little better."

Janet gently removed the bandages from Sam's wrists.

"Can I take a bath now?"

"Yes. I'll go with you."

"Everybody knows, don't they?" Sam hesitantly asked.

Janet looked into Sam's eyes. "Word has spread, yes."

"Everybody probably thinks it's my fault."

Janet's eyes grew wide. "Sam, no one, absolutely no one, thinks that! Do you know how many people have commented to me that they would like to go back to that planet and kill those men? General Hammond said those very words to me. He's so concerned about you, honey, as so many people are. Major Bentley and his team, Colonel Reynolds, Walter, Lieutenant Simmons, Siler, Dr. Lee, Dr. Felger, Griff, Ferretti, the people who work with you in your lab and the nurses. People stop me all the time to ask how you're doing. You have the love and concern of everyone."

Janet held Sam's hands and looked deeply into her eyes. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. This was not your fault. Teal'c, Daniel and the Colonel are so worried about you. They want to help you but they're not sure how."

Tears came to Janet's eyes. "I don't know what to say to you myself sometimes."

Sam reached out and pulled Janet to her as the two friends hugged.

After a few moments, they let go and both wiped their eyes.

Sam stood from the bed as Janet helped her into a robe and Sam sat down in a wheelchair.

"You'll need a clean gown, shampoo and shower gel" Janet stated as she walked past Sam. Janet came back in a few minutes, laid the items on Sam's lap and Janet pushed her out of the infirmary and toward the elevator.

They rode down a few floors and just as the elevator doors opened, Lieutenant Simmons was waiting to get on, so he held the door open as they got off.

"It's good to see you, Major Carter."

Sam glanced up at him. "Thanks."

The Lieutenant watched as Sam and Janet moved down the corridor.

Janet leaned over and whispered in Sam's ear "he still has a huge crush on you."

They arrived at the lockers and Janet checked to be sure there was no one in the showers as Sam slowly stood.

"I'll keep everybody out, Sam. Yell if you need anything."

Sam walked to the shower as Janet sat down on a bench in the locker room to wait.

Sam removed the robe and gown, stepped in and turned on the water, feeling the warmth. Trying not to look at her battered body, she poured shampoo into her palm and lathered her hair. Scrubbing her scalp, she hit the bump on her head and frowned with the pain. She rinsed away the shampoo and lathered her hair once more, tilting her head back and letting the soap and water cascade down her back. She realized she was breathing heavily as she remembered being on the planet and lying on the bed, Leo grasping the top of her head as he tried to kiss her.

Sam shook her head from the memory as she put shower gel on a washcloth and rubbed it between her hands to make it soapy. Looking down at her bruised body, the tears came once more and she began to sob. Turning up the water even hotter, she began to frantically scrub herself. The hot water and the scrubbing turned her skin red, but she didn't care, she just wanted to feel clean. She could still feel the men's hands violating her body as they raped her. The harder she scrubbed, the louder she sobbed.

Hearing Sam crying, Janet came running and watched as Sam tried to scrub away what the men had done.

"Sam, stop!" Janet tried to say to her but Sam was lost in her own little world. The more she scrubbed, the harder she cried.

Janet tried to reach in to still her friend's frantic hands, getting the sleeves of her lab coat wet. Sam suddenly turned and pushed Janet back, knocking her to the floor.

"Get away from me!" Sam yelled as she backed up against the wall, hands flat against the porcelain.

Janet saw movement from the corner of her eye and quickly turned her head to see Jack standing in the doorway. He rushed over to Janet and helped her up.

"Colonel, do something! I think she's reliving what happened on the planet!"

Jack rushed forward and stepped into the shower, not caring if he got wet. Holding up his hands, he talked softly to Sam.

"Sam, you're okay. You're okay. You're in the SGC. You're safe."

Sam's eyes, wide with fear, locked onto Jack's as he turned off the water.

Sam leaned forward, slumped against Jack and sobbed. Janet grabbed a towel and Jack gently held Sam by her upper arms, long enough for Janet to wrap the towel around her. Jack picked up Sam, headed to the locker room and sat down on a bench as he held Sam on his lap.

Janet hurried to the door and locked it so no one could witness what was taking place.

Jack could feel Sam trembling as the sobbing turned into quiet crying but she kept her arms tightly around his neck. Trying to soothe her, he held her in a gentle hug.

Janet hurried to get another towel. "Sam, your hair is dripping. Let me help, honey."

Janet glanced at Jack and could see in his eyes that he was upset but was trying to hold himself together.

Sam sniffed as she leaned back from Jack, but couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Jack asked.

"For being such a basket case."

Janet gently blotted Sam's hair. "You're not a basket case."

Jack was trying not think that he was holding an almost naked Sam on his lap. He had often dreamed about such a scene but in a totally different scenario.

Janet could see that Jack was getting uncomfortable, so she hurried to get Sam's robe and came back to where they were sitting.

"Colonel, I think we can take it from here. Right, Sam?"

Suddenly realizing where she was sitting and how she was dressed, Sam clutched the towel and stood up.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

Jack stood up and placed his hand on her arm. "It's okay, Sam."

He looked down at himself. "I'm a little wet so I better go grab some clothes and change."

Sam and Janet watched as he unlocked the door and closed it behind him.

Jack slumped against the wall and held his hand over his mouth as he tried to control his emotions. He stayed that way for a few moments before pushing away from the wall and mumbled to himself "if I ever see those bastards again, I swear I'll kill them with my bare hands for what they did to you, Sam."

Back in the locker room, Janet locked the door again as Sam sat down on the bench and covered her face with her hands.

"I was sitting on the Colonel's lap - almost naked."

Janet sat down beside her and draped the robe over Sam's shoulders.

"It's all right, Sam. He understands what you're going through and wants to help - because he loves you."

Sam looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath as Janet put her arm around her friend.

************

Until further notice, SG-1 was off the mission rotation.

It was now late afternoon and after witnessing Sam's breakdown in the shower and not having much to do, Jack wanted to get out of the base for awhile and clear his head. He went in search of Jacob, thinking he might need a break also.

Knowing that Jacob was probably with Sam, Jack came down the corridor of the infirmary to see him coming out the door.

"Jacob, I was just looking for you."

"What for?"

"Feel like getting out of here for awhile and getting something to eat? I'll buy."

"Sounds good."

"You have a preference?"

Jacob paused for a moment. "You know, I haven't had a steak in a long time."

Jack grinned. "I know just the place."

They headed topside, signed out and got into Jack's truck, riding in silence for a few minutes.

"You miss being on Earth?"

"Sure do. I miss seeing Sam and Mark."

Jacob put his hand to the back of his neck. "Oh, no."

Jack glanced at Jacob. "What's wrong?"

"How will I tell Mark what happened to his sister?"

"Do you have to tell him? Maybe Sam doesn't want him to know."

"Yeah, you may be right. Mark would want to know where it happened and who was responsible and we can't tell him about the stargate."

They arrived at the steakhouse and went inside.

After they ordered their food, Jacob sat staring into his glass of water and Jack could see how tired he looked.

"How ya holding up, Jacob?"

"To tell the truth, I'm not sure."

Jacob put his elbows on the table and rubbed his forehead before continuing. When he looked up, Jack could see tears in his eyes.

"How could they do this to my baby, Jack?" he asked in anger as he tried to keep his voice low.

Jacob quickly wiped his eyes. "I know she's a grown woman; a beautiful, intelligent, kind, witty and sweet woman. But ever since this happened, every time I look at Sam, all I see is my baby girl. She's the kind of person that will go out of her way to help people. Her mother and I taught her to be kind to everyone and now she's treated like this!"

Jacob shook his head and fought back tears. "This will change how she looks at the world forever, she'll never be the same."

"No, she won't" Jack agreed.

They sat lost in thought until their food was served.

Jacob cut into his steak and took a bite. "This is really good."

Jack smiled. "I thought you'd like it."

"How about you, Jack? Still blaming yourself?"

"I'll always blame myself. Sam tried to tell me it wasn't my fault . . ."

"And it wasn't" Jacob quickly interjected.

"You know, Jacob, I wouldn't blame Sam if she never steps through the gate again. Every time she goes through, it would just be a reminder of what happened the last time and, as you know, there are no guarantees that it wouldn't happen again."

Jack nodded his head. "I agree."

They ate in silence for a few minutes.

"Any time you'd like to spend the night at my house and sleep in a more comfortable bed, Jacob, I have a spare room you can use."

"Thanks. I may take you up on that later. Right now, I want to be near Sam so I'll stay on the base."

After chatting for awhile and finishing their meal, they came out of the restaurant and got in the truck. Jack pulled into the traffic.

"Has Sam said anything to you about what happened on the planet?"

Jacob stared straight ahead. "I asked if she wanted to talk about it but she said she didn't. Dr. Murphy may be the only one who ever finds out what happened and to be honest about it, Jack, I don't think I want to know the details."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**A/N: Long chapter.**

It was evening as Jack wandered down the corridor and saw Janet coming out of the infirmary. She had changed clothes and was carrying her purse.

"Going home?"

"Yes. I need some restful sleep in my own bed. Dr. Warner is here though in case Sam or anyone else needs him."

"Night, Doc."

"Bye, sir."

Jack entered the infirmary and came around the curtain to find Sam sitting up so he sat down beside her on the bed.

"Just thought I'd see if there's anything you need."

"I . . ." Sam hesitated.

"What?"

"I could use a hug" she whispered shyly.

Jack grinned, moved closer to Sam and held out his arms. She put her arms around his waist, laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes as Jack wrapped his arms snugly around her. Neither said anything for a few moments.

"I know something that might make you feel better but I'm not sure it's the time or place to tell you."

Sam kept her head on Jack's chest and didn't move. "What is it?"

"I love you, Samantha. I have for a long time."

Sam leaned back and looked into Jack's eyes.

"I love you too."

"You need to rest. We'll talk later."

"Okay."

Jack stood up and squeezed her hand before letting go.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

She watched as he walked out the door.

************

Knowing there was nothing further that she could do for Sam, Janet had dismissed her to go home. Dr. Murphy had agreed to come there to talk with Sam.

Jack drove up in front of Sam's house and stopped. Jacob got out and helped Sam ease off the seat and onto the sidewalk. Jacob and Jack followed Sam as they walked up the steps to the house. Sam got her keys from her purse, unlocked the door and they went inside.

Sam laid her purse and keys on the hall table and headed to the sofa.

"Do you need food?" Jack asked.

Sam glanced back at him. "Probably. I don't think I have much on hand."

"I'll run to the store for you."

Sam sat down. "You want anything in particular, Dad?"

"I'd love some ice cream."

Jack nodded his head. "You got it."

"If you'll get my purse I'll give you some money, sir."

Jack held up his hand. "I'll get it, Sam, don't worry about it."

Jacob watched Jack go out the door, sat down by Sam and took her hands in his.

"Jack is good for you. He'll be here for you whenever you need him because he loves you."

Sam looked down at their hands as tears filled her eyes. "He told me he does, Dad, but how can he love me knowing what those men did to me?"

"Sam, you did nothing wrong. This was not your fault."

"But . . . I feel so dirty and violated. Why would Jack even want to touch me after . . ."

"Honey, I don't have the answers for what you're feeling. That's why you need to continue to talk with Dr. Murphy. She can help. You did not bring this on yourself, please believe that. Jack, George, Daniel, Teal'c, myself and everyone else at the base would like to return to that planet and get revenge on those men. No woman should be treated this way and I'm just so sorry that you were."

Sam let go of Jacob's hand and wiped her eyes. "I just feel like I'll never learn to live with what happened. Even though I know those men are back on the planet and can't harm me here, I fear I'll be afraid for the rest of my life. Afraid to be alone. Afraid of the dark. Afraid to go outside. Afraid to go through the gate. Afraid to trust anyone I don't know well. Afraid to be intimate with a man because I'll start reliving what happened to me. I'll have to live with this every day for the rest of my life, Dad. I don't know if I can handle it."

Jacob hugged Sam to him.

"Honey, time is what you need and remember that you have me and lots of friends who love you and will do whatever we can to help."

"I feel that people are judging me, thinking this was somehow my fault."

"No one is judging you, Sam. No one."

Sam sighed. "I'm tired. I think I'll go lie down."

They both stood.

"I'm glad you're here, Dad."

"Me too, honey."

Jacob watched Sam go into her bedroom and close the door.

************

Jack arrived back at Sam's house to see Jacob leaning against the porch post.

As Jack came to a stop and got out of his truck, Jacob went to meet him.

They picked up several bags of groceries and went back inside.

"Is Sam lying down?"

"Yes."

As they put away the groceries, Jack noticed that Jacob looked a little upset.

"You okay?"

Jacob motioned for Jack to follow him so they went outside and sat down on the steps.

"What happened?"

"Sam's afraid, Jack. She's afraid that she's never going to get over this. She doesn't understand how you could love her after . . ."

"I'll always love her, Jake."

"I tried to tell her that but she's irrationally blaming herself for what happened."

Jack stared at the park across the road. "Dr. Murphy said this would happen."

"I know. I told her she needs to talk more with Dr. Murphy, that she can help more than we can."

Suddenly hearing shouting from inside the house, Jack and Jacob stood quickly and ran inside. Jack threw open the door to Sam's bedroom to see her lying on the bed and flailing her arms. Her eyes were closed.

"Stop! Get away from me!"

Jack sat down on the side of the bed and started to grab her wrists but decided it was best not to touch her.

"Sam" he said gently. "Sam, it's Jack. I'm here. You're safe. You're okay."

Sam opened her eyes.

"Nobody's going to hurt you. I promise."

Sam set up and put her hands over her face. Jack put one arm around her shoulder and ran his other hand up and down her back to comfort her.

Jacob watched for a few moments before he closed the door and left them alone.

Sam pulled away from Jack and looked into his eyes. "I want my life back."

"I know you do, Sam."

"I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I'm hurt and angry and nervous all the time. I can't close my eyes without seeing those men. I tried to fight back but they tied me down and I couldn't move. I was so scared. I wanted to get loose. I wanted to get away. I just wanted to come home. I was about to give up hope. I thought I was going to die there."

Not knowing what to say, Jack hugged her to him.

************

Sam and Cassie sat on Sam's deck, chess board on the table between them.

Cassie was thinking about her next move when she looked up to see Sam staring into space.

"Sam, you okay?"

"I just can't concentrate very well."

"Let's quit then. We can play another time."

Cassie set the game aside.

"Why don't we take a walk?" Cassie suggested.

"Okay. I could use a little exercise."

Cassie grabbed Sam's keys as they went out the front way and Cassie locked the door.

Cassie slipped her hand into Sam's as they started down the sidewalk.

After walking in silence for a few minutes, Cassie glanced at Sam.

"Why do you think those men did that to you?"

Sam shook her head. "I've asked myself that question a thousand times. I guess I'll never know."

They sat down on a bench.

"I got so upset when Mom told me what happened, Sam. I just want you to know that if you want some company, or however else I can help, I'm here for you."

Sam patted Cassie's knee.

"Thanks."

"I don't want you to go through the gate any more. Please don't. I don't want this to happen again."

Sam sighed. "I'm not sure what I'll do just yet. I have to get better before I make any big decisions."

Suddenly feeling anxious, Sam suggested they go back to the house.

They came inside, Sam sat down on the sofa and Cassie went into the kitchen to get two glasses of lemonade.

They were chatting about what was going on in Cassie's life when the front door opened and Jack walked in.

Cassie stood up and gave Jack a hug.

"How you doing, Cass?" Jack asked.

"I'm okay."

Cassie looked at her watch. "I better be going. I have homework to do and Mom will start to worry if I'm out after dark."

Sam stood up and gave Cassie a hug. "It's good to see you."

"You too, Sam. I'll come back soon."

Sam smiled. "Please do."

"Oh, Jack, while I'm here, could I get you to look at one of the tires on my car? I think it needs some air but I'm not sure."

"Sure. Be glad to check it."

Cassie waved goodbye to Sam, she and Jack went out the door and walked to her car.

Cassie glanced back at the house. "I didn't really need you to check my tire, Jack. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"About Sam?"

"Yeah. Will she really be okay? I'm worried about her."

Jack put his arm around Cassie's shoulder. "We all are, honey."

Tears filled Cassie's eyes. "It just makes me so mad, Jack. Sam would never hurt anyone intentionally. She's one of the kindest people I know. Why would those men do this to her?"

Jack shook his head. "I can't answer that question. We just have to help Sam through this, be there for her when she needs us. That's all we can do."

Cassie wiped her eyes. "I'll be glad to stay with her if you need me to."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Jack gave Cassie a hug and watched as she drove away.

Jack went back into the house to see Sam sitting in the swing on the deck. He sat down beside her.

"How was your day?"

Sam didn't respond.

Jack frowned and put his arm on the back of the swing as he looked at her. "Sam, talk to me."

Tears came to Sam's eyes. "I keep thinking I'll wake up from this nightmare and I'll be back at the SGC. Back to a job that I loved. Back in my lab. Back to where I don't have to have someone with me all the time because I'm afraid to be alone. Back to where I'm not afraid to close my eyes because I know I'll just wake up screaming."

Sam wiped her eyes.

"I keep telling myself tomorrow will be better but I'm not sure it will be. I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes. It's all I can do just to breathe in and breathe out and wait for the minutes to turn to hours and the hours to turn into days and the days to pass into weeks so I can start to feel normal again."

Sam paused as she looked into the yard. "I really don't . . ."

Sam paused and shook her head.

"You really don't what, Sam?"

"I don't really think it's fair to you to spend God knows how many weeks or months or years waiting for me to get better. I think you'd be better off without me."

Jack gently put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. He put his finger under her chin so she had to look into his eyes.

"I want to make this perfectly clear to you, Samantha, and if I have to keep repeating it, then so be it. I love you. You got that? I loved you before this happened. I love you now. I will love you six months, a year, five years from now or however long it takes until you believe me. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not letting you give up on yourself. I know you don't think so right now because you want to hurry things up, but you will get better."

Sam sniffed. "I don't deserve you."

Jack rolled his eyes, trying to make her laugh. "Oh for cryin' out loud. Will you stop it already? I'm not much of a catch. I'm a worn out old man with bad knees, gray hair and a short temper."

Sam chuckled as she wiped her cheeks. "A very handsome and sweet man with bad knees, gray hair and a short temper. You really are good for me, Jack. Thanks for making me smile."

Jack grinned as he put his arm around her and she laid her head on his shoulder. "Any time, Sam. Any time."

************

Jacob sat on the front steps as a car pulled up in front of the house and stopped. He watched as Dr. Murphy got out and came up the walk.

Dr. Murphy smiled. "Hello."

Jacob stood up. "Hi. Come on in."

She followed him into the house to see Sam sitting on the sofa with her legs stretched out, looking at a magazine.

"Hey, Sam."

"Hi."

Jacob put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "I'm going to take a walk so you two can have some privacy."

"Okay, Dad."

Jacob went out the door as Dr. Murphy sat down across from Sam and looked into her eyes.

"So, how are you?"

Sam shrugged and started to play with a button on her sweater. "I don't have much of an appetite. I'm scared to be by myself and I'm having nightmares."

"All of that is normal, Sam. As I'm sure you've heard it repeated so many times and I'm sure you're getting tired of hearing it, it's just going to take time."

Dr. Murphy saw a look of anger come to Sam's face.

Sam picked up a throw pillow, put her arms around it and hugged it to her chest. "I don't want it to take time. I want to feel better now."

"I know you do, but unfortunately that isn't the way it works."

Dr. Murphy reached into her bag for her pen and notepad. "Let's start where we left off last time."

Sam frowned. "I don't remember where we stopped."

Dr. Murphy flipped back through her notes. "Leo and Ben had taken you to a barn and tied your hands."

"Leo also tied a rag around my mouth so I couldn't scream for help. They left me there that night."

Dr. Murphy watched Sam as she stared across the room, remembering what happened next.

Sam gripped the edge of the pillow. "Ben came in the next morning, untied the rag from my mouth and gave me a cup of water. I tried to plead with him to let me go but he said he couldn't, that Leo would kill him if he did."

"So, you think Ben was having regrets about kidnapping you?"

"I don't know. He tied the rag back over my mouth and left. I was hungry, cold and exhausted. I tried to rub the rope against the pole to try and break it but it only made my wrists bleed. I fell into a fitful sleep. Sometime later, I heard the door open and Leo came running in. He knelt down in front of me and whispered to me not to make a sound. From the look in his eyes, I knew he would kill me if I did. I wasn't sure what was going on until I heard voices. I recognized the voice of Colonel Reynolds so I knew they were looking for me."

"Who is Colonel Reynolds?"

"He's the leader of one of the other teams. I heard the front door of the barn open and Colonel Reynolds telling his team to look around. Leo put his hand over the rag in my mouth with one hand and held my ankles together with the other. I couldn't scream and couldn't move my arms or legs. I couldn't do anything to let Colonel Reynolds know I was there."

Sam swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I started to cry but because Leo's hand was over my mouth, I could hardly breathe. I heard the door to the small room open as if someone was looking around. In a moment the door closed and the voices faded away. I wanted to scream so badly to let Colonel Reynolds know I was there but I couldn't. Leo waited until he knew they were gone, then took his hand away from my mouth. He stood up and looked at me but didn't say anything, before he walked away. They left me there that night. The next morning Leo and Ben came in and Ben untied my hands from the post and took the rag out of my mouth. Leo told me to stand up. We left the barn and Leo pushed me ahead of him and we went behind some buildings to the last little house at the edge of the village. When we went inside I asked if I could have something to eat. Leo shoved me and I fell backwards and hit my head on the edge of the doorframe that led into a kitchen. I almost blacked out I hit my head so hard. Leo grabbed my upper arm and pulled me across the floor and tied my hands behind me to the leg of a bed and tied the rag around my mouth again."

Sam stopped for a moment and Dr. Murphy noticed Sam's hands start to tremble.

"Leo kicked me in my side and I felt my ribs break."

Sam began to cry. Dr. Murphy put down her pen and pad on the floor and hurried to the kitchen. Opening the cabinet door, she found a glass, filled it with water and brought it back to Sam.

"Drink this."

Sam took the glass and drank the water in big gulps.

Dr. Murphy went into Sam's bathroom, found a box of tissues, came back and handed her the box. She sat down beside Sam as she pulled two tissues from the box and wiped her eyes.

"Do you want to stop or do you want to continue?"

"I want to finish telling you what happened."

Dr. Murphy picked up her pen and pad and waited for Sam to talk.

Sam took a deep breath. "After Leo kicked me, he started to kick me again, but Ben saw what he was about to do and pulled him away from me. They started to argue. Ben looked down at me, then back at Leo and told him to leave me alone, that they'd hurt me enough already. He then told Leo that they should let me go. Leo glared at Ben, then at me and said "we're not letting her go!" Ben stalked out and Leo stared at me. I stared right back. Leo walked out. I remember feeling so exhausted. My lip and my cheek were sore from where Leo had slapped me and from having the rag in my mouth for so long. I tried not to breathe too deeply because every time I took a breath, it made my ribs hurt. I don't remember much about the rest of that day. The next morning when the sun was coming up, Ben came in and took the rag off and gave me a cup of water. He untied me and tried to help me stand but I screamed, I was in so much pain. After that, I vaguely remember gun shots and someone talking to me. It was Major Bentley. They had finally found me and the next thing I remember was waking up in the infirmary."

"Was there something that kept you going, something that made you not give up hope of being found, Sam?"

Sam looked down at the tissues in her hands and slowly nodded her head.

"Jack" she whispered.

Dr. Murphy's eyes grew wide. "Colonel O'Neill?"

Sam nodded her head again.

"Are you in love with him?"

Sam looked into the Doctor's eyes. "Yes."

"And he loves you too?"

"Yes."

"So, because of what happened, you have admitted your feelings for each other?"

Sam sighed. "Yes."

Dr. Murphy put down her pen and pad, sat up and put her elbows on her knees and clasped her hands as she talked.

"Sam, I know you don't think so right now, but after telling me what happened, you will slowly begin to feel better. I know you want to rush things along to have the life you had before this happened, but believe me, you will never be the same again. In time, you will come to accept what happened, but it will probably be months before you really feel you're getting your life back. One thing you have going for you is your Dad and Jack and a network of friends that will do everything possible to support you. You have a lot of people who care. Please, Sam, lean on them when you need them. You don't have to tell them all the details you told me, unless you want to, but if you're having a bad day then have a bad day. Don't try to be brave and downplay how you're feeling, that just makes things worse and will only prolong your recovery. Be yourself with your friends, they'll understand. If you don't want to be alone then let your Dad, Jack, Janet or someone know. They'll be glad to stay with you. It doesn't mean you're weak, it just shows that you need their support. There's nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable. If you want to talk about what happened, Janet is a good listener and will keep your conversations confidential."

Dr. Murphy paused as she thought about what she wanted to say next.

"I was a lot like you, Sam, before I was raped. I was very independent, always took care of myself, thinking I didn't need anyone to lean on. After the rape, I realized how much I need people and thankfully I had a family and friends to rely on, and still do. I also went through therapy for almost a year and it helped a great deal. If you would like, you can continue your therapy with me when I open my new office. I have decided to leave Washington, move here and start my own practice."

"Cassie mentioned that you were staying at Janet's house."

"Yes. I've known Janet for quite awhile so when she asked me to come, I was told about the stargate and the President and General Hammond gave me clearance. I'd been thinking about leaving Washington and starting my own practice about the time Janet called and asked me to come see you. I've been to Colorado a few times before and I really like Colorado Springs so while I've been here, I met with a real estate agent and found an office and an apartment to rent. I talked with the administration office at Walter Reed, told them my plans and e-mailed them my resignation. I'll be returning to Washington this weekend to meet with a realtor there to put my condo on the market. I should be back here in about three weeks."

"How will I continue my therapy until you return?"

"On the phone. For now, I think we need to be in contact about twice a week. Why don't we set a schedule? I'll call you on Tuesdays and Fridays at 10 a.m. Would that be okay?"

Sam nodded her head.

"If you need to talk any other time, just call me, Sam, day or night. Don't think you'll be bothering me because you won't. I'll be just a phone call away."

The two women exchanged cell phone numbers.

Sam twisted the tissue in her hands. "I'm curious. Why did you become a psychologist?"

"From a very young age, I knew I wanted to be a doctor but wasn't exactly sure what area I wanted to specialize in. I was considering pediatrics or cardiology. I was in college when I was raped. After it happened, I decided to earn my doctorate in psychology because I wanted to help other women. I think it really makes a difference that I can sympathize with my patients since I've been through it myself. In the last few years, I've been working with post traumatic stress disorder patients at Walter Reed."

Dr. Murphy paused for a moment. "Is there anything you want to discuss? Feel free to ask me anything."

Sam looked down at her hands. "I . . . I'm fearful about being in an intimate relationship with Jack, after what happened. I mean, we can't right now anyway because of military regulations."

"Total trust will take time, Sam, but you trusted Jack before this happened, didn't you?"

"More than anyone."

"Then you already have that established trust as friends and colleagues. Since you just recently admitted your feelings for each other, spend this time getting to know each other as Jack and Sam. If Jack really loves you, he'll be willing to wait until you're really ready for that part of your relationship. Don't let any man push you or rush you into something you're not ready for, no matter how long it takes."

Sam nodded her head. "Okay."

Sam followed Dr. Murphy to the door and Sam watched as she drove away.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jack came up the stairs to General Hammond's office.

"You want to see me, sir?"

"Yes. Shut the door and have a seat."

Jack closed the door and sat down across from the General.

"First of all, how's Major Carter?"

"A little better but still having nightmares sometimes."

"I know this cannot be easy for her."

"No sir, it isn't."

"As you know, I've been allowing Teal'c and Dr. Jackson to accompany other teams occasionally since SG-1 has been on downtime since this happened to Major Carter. But since the U.S. government is paying the salaries for you, Dr. Jackson and Teal'c, you need to be earning those salaries. I've decided to put SG-1 back on the mission rotation and until Major Carter decides what she wants to do, I need to replace her."

"Do you have someone in mind?"

"I'm reassigning Major Griff to your team, Jack. I know he doesn't have the scientific knowledge that Major Carter has, but you need someone who's in the military to be your 2IC. I think Dr. Jackson can handle the scientific area as well as his other duties and Major Griff gets along well with you, Dr. Jackson and Teal'c, doesn't he?"

"Yes he does, sir."

"Dr. Jackson has asked to return to P3X-452 to study some caves he found there when he went with SG-8, so I thought I'd send SG-1. We'll meet for your briefing at 07:00 day after tomorrow."

"Yes sir."

General Hammond closed the file on his desk and clasped his hands together.

"Now, I'd like to talk off the record with you, Jack."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "About what, sir?"

"Major Carter. Jack, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been aware of what has been happening between you and Major Carter, practically from the day you met."

"Sir, we haven't done anything out of line . . ."

General Hammond raised his hand. "I know that, son, I know that. I know your loyalties lie with the Air Force and you both have strictly adhered to the regulations. But over the years, I've watched how you both react when the other is hurt, injured or missing. I also know about the zatarc test and I saw how upset you were before Major Carter was rescued."

"Why haven't you said anything to us?"

"Because I know that both of you have great respect for each other's career and you're not going to ruin that. If Major Carter decides to return to SG-1, then fine, I'd love to have her back. If not, then maybe something good came out of this whole ordeal, something that you two should take advantage of. Do you get what I'm trying to say, Jack?"

Jack smiled. "Yes sir. I understand."

"Good. I've known Sam since she was born. She's like a daughter to me so if there's anything I can do for her, please let me know and tell her 'hi' for me."

"I will, sir."

"You're dismissed and I'll see you day after tomorrow."

"Yes sir."

************

Jacob had gone to the store and Sam felt it might do her some good to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. Walking out of her house and across the street to the park, she sat down on a bench facing her house. Looking up at the sky, she breathed in the fresh air, thinking how good it felt to be back on Earth in familiar surroundings. Hearing male voices, she quickly looked down the street as two men came walking toward her up the sidewalk. Feeling her heart pounding, she gripped the edge of the bench until they walked past her. Slowly releasing the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding, she put her fingers to her temples and sighed deeply.

'You can't be afraid of every man' she said to herself.

Hearing the sound of a motor, she looked up to see Jack in his truck coming down the street and he stopped in front of her house. Opening the door, he stepped onto the pavement and glanced up to see her watching him.

He smiled as he crossed the road. "Hey, pretty lady."

Sam smiled. "Hi, Jack."

Jack sat down beside her.

"So, how ya doin?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Jacob inside?"

"Went to get a few things at the store."

"Need more ice cream, does he?"

Sam grinned. "He's enjoying ice cream while he has the chance but I think he's getting bored, not having much to do."

"If Jacob wants to re-join the Tok'ra, I'll be glad to stay with you."

Sam started to say that she didn't need anyone to stay but then remembered that Dr. Murphy had told her to be honest with her feelings and that it was okay to ask for help.

"I'd like for you to stay with me or maybe you and Janet and Daniel and Teal'c could take turns for awhile. I get scared mostly at night even though I know Dad is in the house."

Jack smiled. "We'd all like to help out. Consider it done."

Jack hesitated a moment. "I never told anybody this, but after I was released after being a POW, I couldn't handle the nights too well either."

"How long did it take you to stop feeling that way?"

"A few months."

Jack turned so that he could face Sam. "I know this is hard for you and I don't know how to make everything better, but I'll stay with you whenever you need me to for as long as it takes."

"Thank you."

Jack put his arm around her.

They sat in silence as they watched two women walk down the sidewalk on the other side of the street, one of them pushing a baby stroller.

"I had a meeting with Hammond today. He said to tell you 'hi.' He is reassigning Major Griff to SG-1 and is putting us back on the mission rotation until you decide what you want to do."

"I'm not surprised he wants to put SG-1 back to work. How's Daniel and Teal'c?"

"They're okay. Would you like to invite them over? I'm sure they'd love to see you. We could have a cookout."

Sam nodded her head. "Be good to get my mind off things."

Sam wanted to go back inside so Jack took her hand as they crossed the street. They went into the house and sat down on the sofa.

"When Jacob gets back, we'll go out to eat if you'd like, or we can order in."

"How about Chinese?" Sam suggested.

"Chinese it is."

A few minutes later, the door opened and in walked Jacob with two bags of groceries. He smiled when he saw them sitting together.

"Hey, you two."

"Jake, how are you?"

"Pretty well, Jack. And you?"

"I'm okay. Sam and I thought we'd go have Chinese. Want to join us?"

"Sounds good."

They got into Jack's truck and Jack and Jacob talked about the Tok'ra as Sam stared out the windshield.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Jack and Jacob got out of the truck. Jack came around to the passenger side, waiting for Sam to get out, but she didn't move.

Jacob reached in and touched her arm. "Sam."

Sam jerked her arm away.

"Honey, you okay?"

Sam frowned as she put her left hand to her cheek where the bruise was healing and her right hand to the bump on the back of her head.

"Sam, what's wrong?" Jack asked.

"Why did they hurt me? Why did those men do that to me?"

Jack and Jacob glanced at each other.

Jacob got back inside as Jack watched.

"Sweetheart, I don't know why they did that to you. But you're safe now. You're here with me and Jack. No one is going to hurt you. I promise."

Sam slowly turned her head and looked at Jacob but didn't say anything.

"Sam, do you want to go back to the house?" Jack asked. "We can order in."

Sam shook her head. "No, I'm okay. I just . . . I have these flashbacks to when I was on the planet."

Jacob squeezed her hand. "I know, honey."

"Let's go eat" Sam said with a quick smile.

Jacob got out of the truck and offered his hand to Sam to help her out.

Sam headed toward the restaurant as Jack and Jacob looked at each other and Jacob shook his head with a look of worry.

************

Sam sat on the sofa with her cell phone, talking with Dr. Murphy.

"Sam, how are you?"

"I'm okay but a little sad."

"What about?"

"My Dad's leaving today. I've come to depend on him to be here and now he won't be."

"How does he feel about leaving?"

"Well, I think he feels a little guilty but he's also getting bored, although he'd never admit it. He's not the kind of man that can sit around and do nothing for long."

"I see. Have you asked someone to stay with you?"

"Jack volunteered."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I'm glad he'll be here. I know I'm not yet ready to be by myself."

"And that's okay, Sam. Remember what I told you about asking for help? Don't feel like you're being too needy because you're not. Lean on Jack and your friends."

"I've also made a decision."

"Tell me about it."

"I'm not going through the stargate again. I told Dad and he's glad that I won't be going off-world any more. I know I sound like a coward but I just can't risk this happening again."

"You're not a coward, Sam. You have to do what's best for you and don't worry about what other people think. Your friends will support your decision."

************

Jack watched from Sam's living room as she and Jacob stood on her deck, talking quietly.

Jack heard the doorbell and went to answer the door.

"Hey, Daniel, come in."

Daniel entered and Jack closed the door. "Jacob ready to go?"

Jack pointed outside and they watched as Jacob gave Sam a tight hug.

Daniel crossed his arms. "Saying goodbye to Jacob is always hard for Sam."

"Yeah, especially after what she's been through and since they don't know when they'll see each other again."

"I would think that Jacob will try to come home more often since this happened."

Jack nodded his head. "Having him here has been a big help to Sam."

Jacob and Sam came through the door and Daniel and Jack could see that Sam was crying as she quickly wiped her face.

Jacob looked at Daniel. "I guess I'm ready."

Everyone went outside and stopped beside Daniel's car.

Jacob shook Jack's hand. "Take good care of her."

"I promise."

Jacob turned to Sam with tears in his eyes and gave her one last hug. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too, Dad."

Jacob let go of Sam and Jack put his arm around her waist as Jacob and Daniel got into the car. They watched as Daniel drove away.

Jack and Sam went back inside.

"You want to go do something?"

Sam pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Like what?"

"Well . . . we could go to the Garden of the Gods and walk around and enjoy the sunshine, then have dinner."

"That sounds good. Just let me change my shoes."

Sam went to her bedroom and in a moment she returned barefooted. Jack watched as she sat down and put on a pair of sneakers.

They got into Jack's truck and Sam looked out the passenger window at the clear blue sky as they rode in silence.

Jack glanced at Sam. "After we eat we'll run by my house and I'll get some things to bring back to your place. There's one thing in particular I want to get."

"What's that?"

"My Simpson's DVD's."

Sam smiled.

"It's good to see you smile, Sam. I've missed your smile."

"Haven't had much to smile about."

They arrived at the Garden of the Gods. As they walked along one of the trails, Jack held Sam's hand.

After walking for awhile, Sam felt a little tired so they sat down on the ground in the shade.

"I've made a decision."

"What about?"

"I'm going to tell General Hammond that I don't want to go through the stargate any more. I told Dad before he left and he was happy with my decision. I also told Dr. Murphy."

"I thought you might feel that way."

"Are you disappointed?"

Jack answered quickly. "No, not at all. As Jacob and I agreed, there are no guarantees that this won't happen again."

Sam sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of. I've always been such an independent person but now I sometimes feel like a child who needs protecting and I don't like feeling this way. I feel like such a coward."

"You are not a coward, Sam. You're the most courageous woman I've ever known. Are you going to stay with the Air Force?"

Sam shrugged. "I want to discuss my options with General Hammond."

Jack grinned. "You know, there is a good way to look at this situation."

"Oh?"

"You won't be in my direct chain of command if you're not on SG-1 any more so maybe we can pursue a relationship, if you want to, that is."

"Yeah I do, but there's something you need to understand."

"What's that?"

Sam hesitated as she broke off a blade of grass and rubbed it between her fingers. "Considering everything that's happened, it's going to be a long time before I'm . . . before I'm ready to be with a man again in a physical relationship. I need to go through a lot more therapy with Dr. Murphy."

"I know, Sam, and that doesn't bother me. As I've already told you, however long it takes, I'll be here for you. Always."

The sun began to set as they left for dinner.

After eating, Jack drove to his house and they went inside.

While he went to his bedroom to get some clothes and other things he would need, Sam went into the living room. She looked through Jack's DVD collection and pulled out the latest set of The Simpsons to take with them.

By the time they arrived back at Sam's place, it was dark.

Jack went into the guest bedroom, set down a duffle bag and hung his clothes in the closet. When he returned to the living room, Sam had put in a Simpson DVD and was just sitting down on the sofa when Jack sat down beside her and put his arm around her. They watched for awhile until Jack looked down at Sam and saw that she was fighting to stay awake.

Jack stood up as Sam looked up at him and Jack held out his hand to her.

"Come on. You're tired."

Getting no argument from Sam, Jack followed her to her bedroom and stood in the doorway.

"I'm going to stay up a little longer but if you need anything just let me know."

Sam leaned up and kissed Jack's cheek.

"Good night, Jack. I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. Night, Sam."

Jack returned to the living room and propped his feet up on the coffee table, hoping that Sam would be able to sleep through the night.

As he stared at the TV, his mind wandered back to the time when he had been held prisoner in Iraq and the nightmares that lingered after he came home. He occasionally still dreamed about that prison and what had gone on there. He shook his head, trying not to remember those four wasted months of his life.

Sam went into her bathroom and brushed her teeth. After getting undressed and into her pajamas, she got into bed. She lay there for a few moments with the lamp on, trying not to think why Jack was having to stay here with her. She got out of bed and left the door about half way open. Getting back under the covers, she turned off the lamp, carefully turned over on her side and closed her eyes.

Jack watched another episode of The Simpsons but as soon as it was over, he turned off the TV and went down the hall. He noticed that Sam had left her bedroom door partially open. He decided to leave his bedroom door open too so he could hear Sam in case she needed him during the night. He got undressed and into bed, realizing how tired he felt.

Jack awoke to a sound and turned over to see what time it was. The clock read 2:34. He heard the sound again and realized it was coming from Sam's bedroom. He threw back the covers and just as his feet touched the floor, he heard Sam scream.

Thinking that the overhead light in her room might startle her, he turned on the light in the hall, giving him just enough light to see into her bedroom as he pushed the door all the way open.

Sam was on her back, waving her arms and yelling. "Leave me alone! Let me go! Get away from me!"

Jack slowly sat down beside her.

"Sam, it's Jack" he spoke quietly. "I'm here. You're safe."

He watched as she opened her eyes, wide with fright, as tears ran down the side of her face and into her hair.

He reached down and gently patted her hip. "You're okay."

Sam stared at him a moment, then quickly set up and threw her arms around his neck.

"Leo and Ben were coming after me" she sobbed.

"That's the men who . . ."

Sam nodded her head. "Leo was the big man that grabbed me that day. Ben was the tall, slim one with black hair."

"I remember them. You're safe now, Sam. They'll never hurt you again."

Sam wiped her face and lay back on the pillow.

"I don't think I'll ever get over this."

"Not completely. But speaking from experience, time does make it better."

Sam stared at him for a moment.

"Why do you want to be with me after what they did to me?"

Jack took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. "Because you are still the most beautiful, the smartest, the sweetest, the sexiest woman I've ever known and because I love you more than you will ever imagine."

Sam tried not to cry. "But I'm damaged."

Jack shook his head. "No, you're not. Sam, you did not cause this. This was a violent act that was forced on you. You had no control over what happened. I think in time you'll realize that."

Jack paused for a moment. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Sam shook her head. "No. Maybe someday. It's too upsetting for me to talk about. Dr. Murphy may be the only one I'll ever share that with."

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

General Hammond heard a knock and looked up to see Sam standing at the door. The General stood up, held out his arms and gave Sam a hug.

"It's good to see you, Major."

"Thank you, sir."

General Hammond closed the door and Sam sat down across from him.

"How are you, Sam?"

"I'm slowly getting better, sir."

"Glad to hear it. I guess Jack told you that I'm replacing you on SG-1 for the present."

"I wanted to talk with you about that, sir."

"Okay."

"I've decided that I don't want to go off-world any more so you need to find a permanent replacement."

"I'm not surprised with everything you've been through. Do you want to stay with the Air Force?"

"I'm not sure, sir. What are my options?"

"The President and I don't want to lose you. You're still needed here. Would you consider working with the other scientists? We can try it for awhile and see if you're happy doing that. Several of them have commented to me that they need you in the labs, if and when you came back."

"That would be fine with me, sir, but I'm not sure when I'll be coming back exactly. I'm still in therapy and Janet hasn't released me yet. I'm supposed to see her while I'm here today."

"Why don't we give it another month. Check in with me then and let me know how you're doing. I don't want you to come back too quickly though. Only you can decide when you're ready to return to work."

"That's agreeable with me, sir. Thank you."

General Hammond smiled. "I guess Jack also told you about our off-the-record conversation?"

Sam grinned. "Yes sir and I appreciate what you said."

"I hope everything works out for the best."

"Me too, sir. Thank you."

General Hammond stood up so Sam did too.

"Oh, one more thing, sir. Daniel, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie are coming over Saturday for a cookout at my house. Jack and I would like to have you join us."

"What time?"

"Feel free to show up any time in the afternoon and we'll eat when everyone gets hungry."

"I'd like that, Major. Thanks for inviting me."

"You're welcome, sir."

"Did you drive yourself?"

"No, Jack brought me. He wanted to check in with Daniel and Teal'c."

"I see. I could use a break. I'll walk you down to see Dr. Frasier."

They got on the elevator and rode down to the infirmary. Coming down the corridor, they ran into Siler and Dr. Lee.

Siler smiled. "Major Carter, good to see you."

"It certainly is" Dr. Lee agreed. "We really miss you. I hope you'll be back soon."

"I'm not sure when I'll be back, but eventually I hope."

General Hammond and Sam entered the infirmary.

Janet was talking with one of the nurses when she saw them come in.

"Hi, Sam" she smiled as she gave her a hug.

"I'll leave her with you, Dr. Frasier, and I'll see you Saturday, Major."

"Yes sir. Look forward to it."

"Come sit down on the bed, Sam."

Janet pulled the curtain around the bed and looked into Sam's eyes. "How are you?"

"Some days are worse than others."

Janet checked Sam's heart rate, temperature and blood pressure which were all normal.

"I want to get a new set of x-rays to see how well your ribs are healing."

"Okay."

Sam put on a hospital gown and one of the nurses went with her to the x-ray room.

When Sam returned, Jack was talking with Janet.

After checking the x-rays, Janet informed Sam that her ribs were healing the way they should be, but Sam was not allowed to do anything strenuous and was not to be doing any heavy lifting.

"I want to see you in two weeks."

"Okay."

"We'll see you Saturday, Doc."

"Take good care of her, sir."

Jack smiled. "You can bet on it."

Janet grinned and whispered "about time you two got together."

************

Sam sat on her bed with the phone to her ear, talking with Dr. Murphy.

"How are you, Sam?"

"I'm okay. I met with General Hammond and told him I wouldn't be going off-world any more."

"What did he say?"

"He wasn't surprised. I may return to work in the labs when I feel up to it and after Janet releases me."

"Returning to work will probably be good for you, provided you don't return too soon and work too many hours."

"I won't. Jack and Janet won't let me."

"Are you still having nightmares?"

"Not every night but sometimes. Having Jack here with me is helping. If I wake up screaming, he just holds me until I feel better."

Dr. Murphy smiled. "Loving someone and having them love you in return is a wonderful thing, Sam."

"Jack's an amazing man. He's so good to me and so good for me."

"Do you still feel unworthy of his love?"

"Not like I did. I'm beginning to realize I can't blame myself for what happened."

"That's right. You can't. As I've told you so many times, you're not going to get better in just a few weeks. When you've been physically injured, you've always given yourself time to heal. Right?"

"Right."

"It's the same thing with healing emotionally. You have to be patient with yourself and give yourself as much time as it takes."

************

It was Saturday afternoon and Jack and Janet were busy in Sam's kitchen getting the food ready to put on the grill.

Sam and Daniel sat on lounge chairs in Sam's backyard, watching Teal'c and Cassie toss a frisbee back and forth.

Daniel looked at Sam. "I'm glad you invited us. I wasn't sure you would want to see us."

"I need to be around people, Daniel. Keeps me from dwelling too much on what happened."

"After Sha're died I just wanted to be left alone. But, like you, I came to realize that dwelling on the past doesn't do any good. Things happen to us in life that we can't control. I'm sorry for what happened, Sam, but I'm glad to see you're getting better. Just remember, I'm here for you whenever you need me."

Sam squeezed Daniel's hand. "Thanks. You're a good friend."

General Hammond came around the side of the house and Sam started to stand up.

"Please Major, stay seated."

Daniel stood. "You can have my chair, sir, I'll go get another one."

General Hammond sat down beside Sam. "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Yes sir, it is. I'm glad you could come."

"Thanks for inviting me. Good to be outside since I stay cooped up in the Mountain so much of the time."

Inside the house, Janet was making hamburger patties while Jack put barbecue sauce on chicken breasts and opened a package of hot dogs.

Janet glanced at Jack.

"Is Sam sleeping okay?"

"She still has nightmares sometimes but it isn't every night any more."

"I can't imagine what she's been through. Every time I think about what those men did to her, I . . ."

Janet stopped talking as tears came to her eyes. Jack put his arm around her shoulder. "She'll be okay."

Janet cleared her throat. "Yes sir."

Cassie came through the door and put her hands on her hips. "Hey, you got hungry people out here. When are we gonna eat?"

"Oh keep your pants on, for cryin' out loud" Jack said as Janet started to grin.

Cassie rolled her eyes. "Gee, I was just asking, Jack. You don't have to get all bent out of shape."

Janet put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing as Jack grinned, walked over to Cassie and gave her a bear hug.

Cassie grinned while Jack's arms were wrapped around her. "I hope you keep your pants on, Jack. I don't think any of us want to see your bony knees and skinny white legs."

Janet burst out laughing.

Jack let go and gently slapped Cassie on the back of her head. "Smart mouth. Get out of here before I give you a good spanking."

Cassie held up her hands. "Ooh, I'm scared."

Jack and Janet watched her go out the door.

Janet chuckled. "Cassie likes to tease you as much as you like to tease her."

Jack sighed. "She's the daughter I'll probably never have."

"Well, I don't know for certain, sir, but I have a feeling that Sam would love to be a mother some day."

Jack smiled. "I think it would be great to have a little Sam running around."

Everyone soon gathered around the picnic table and began passing the food. Sam glanced at Jack before she spoke.

"I have something to tell you."

Everyone stopped and looked at her.

"Jack and General Hammond already know this. I've decided I won't be going off-world any more. I will no longer be on SG-1. General Hammond has offered to let me work in the labs at the base. Since Janet has not cleared me for active duty and I'm still in therapy with Dr. Murphy, it will be a month, maybe longer, before I'm back at work but I do hope to return eventually."

Cassie squeezed Sam's hand. "I'm glad you won't be going through the gate any more."

Teal'c spoke from the end of the table. "If this is your desire, Major Carter, I am most happy for you."

"We'll miss you not being on the team, Sam, but I do understand" Daniel said. "I'm glad to know we'll still get to see you at the base though."

Janet smiled at Sam. "I agree with Cassie. I'm also glad you'll no longer be going off-world."

Tears came to Sam's eyes. "I really couldn't have gotten through this without the support of all of you, but I still have a long way to go before I'm back to my old self."

The evening passed quickly. It was after dark as Jack and Sam stood on her porch and waved goodbye to everyone. They went back inside and sat down on the sofa and Sam put her head on his shoulder.

"I needed that, Jack. It was good to spend time with people I care about."

"It was fun. I'm glad we had them over."

"I think I'll go soak in the tub for awhile."

"Don't stay in too long and turn into a prune."

Sam smiled as she stood and walked away.

Jack picked up the TV remote and turned on the television.

Sam went to her bedroom to get a clean pair of pajamas from her bureau. She went into the bathroom, turned on the water in the tub and added bubble bath. When the tub had filled, she turned off the water. After getting undressed, she lowered herself into the tub, leaned back and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the water soothe her sore ribs.

After a few minutes, she opened her eyes and looked down at her arms and wrists. The bruises were slowly fading.

'If I could only make the memories and the nightmares fade away too' she whispered to herself.

She thought about her friends who had been at her house today. It was good to spend time with them and know their concern for her.

Her thoughts turned to the man in her living room. She remembered the day they had met and the friendship and trust that had slowly grown between them. She had been attracted to Jack from the beginning but their careers had kept them apart. Regulations or not, she had slowly fallen in love with her CO. She had tried to deny those feelings so many times and even after the zatarc test, it had been back to business as usual. Their working relationship had been awkward for a few weeks after that occurred. They never discussed what had happened that day, knowing their personal feelings had to be pushed aside because the job came first.

When Jack and Teal'c had recently been stranded in the glider, she had been so scared but determined to find a way to bring them home. After a few desperate hours of trying to reach them in the Tok'ra ship, Jack and Teal'c were finally on board and she could breathe easy again.

She remembered sitting in bed in the infirmary after being rescued and Jack telling her he loved her, and now she could not imagine living her life without him.

Tears rolled down her cheeks when she thought about how good Jack had been to her since she had been rescued. As they were just beginning their new relationship and knowing she trusted Jack more than anyone, she didn't want there to be any secrets between them, so there was something she needed to do.

Realizing the water was getting cold, she stood and stepped out of the tub and pulled the plug to drain the water. She wiped away the tears, dried herself off and put on her pajamas.

Just as she was coming out of the bathroom, Jack came walking down the hall and he could see that she had been crying.

He touched her elbow. "You okay?"

Sam looked into his eyes. "I need to . . ."

"You need to what, Sam?"

"I need to tell you what happened. You need to know."

"You don't have to tell me unless you really want to."

"If we're going to have a life together we need to be honest with each other, Jack. You need to know what took place on the planet."

Feeling a little apprehensive but knowing that Sam needed him to know for her own peace of mind, he nodded his head.

Jack followed Sam into the living room and they sat down on the sofa, facing each other.

Jack listened carefully as Sam told him that after Leo took her, he made her remove her boots and walk barefooted. She told him of being taken to the house, stripped of her clothes and tied to the bed.

Jack could feel himself getting angrier by the minute at the men who had done this to Sam.

Sam suddenly stopped talking and picked up a pillow, hugging it to her chest as Jack waited for her to continue.

Tears came to Sam's eyes and she rocked back and forth as she described how Ben held her down while Leo raped her and then Ben did the same.

"I tried to fight, Jack. I tried to fight but they were too strong and I couldn't move."

Sam began to cry as Jack pulled her to him and held her as tears strung his eyes.

Neither said a word as Jack held her.

After a few minutes, Sam took a deep breath and leaned away from Jack. He let her go and stood up as he choked back tears. He went into the bathroom and came back with a box of tissues.

Sam grabbed a few tissues and wiped her eyes.

"Sam, if you want to stop you can."

Sam shook her head. "No. I need to finish."

Sam continued telling Jack about the man that put a blanket over her and the men left her alone for the night. The next morning they made her wear the dress since they had burned her clothes.

Sam told him that Leo had put her in the barn and left her there. She recalled how Colonel Reynolds and his team had been close by, but Leo had gagged her and was holding her down so she couldn't move or scream.

Jack rubbed his forehead and breathed deeply.

Sam told him that they moved her again to another house.

Sam paused and ran her hand through her hair.

"I was hungry so I asked for something to eat. Leo shoved me and I hit my head on the doorframe. Leo grabbed my arm and dragged me across the floor to a bed post and tied my hands behind my back."

Tears ran down Sam's face. "Leo kicked me in my ribs and I felt them break."

"Oh God" Jack mumbled as Sam began to sob.

Sam put her head on Jack's chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Closing his eyes, tears fell down his cheeks as they held on to each other.

Jack took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner."

He held her tightly as he tried to compose himself.

Sam set up, took his hands in hers and looked into his eyes. "Jack, I'm not blaming you, please believe that. You tried to find me. I know you did everything you could. Janet told me how you spent every waking moment searching for me. Please don't blame yourself. I'm home and safe now and I'm slowly getting better. I didn't want you to go through the rest of your life wondering what happened. If we're going to share our lives, you needed to know and I needed for you to know. I can't go through repeating this to anyone else again, it's too painful. You and Dr. Murphy will be the only two who will ever know the facts."

Sam paused for a moment.

"You've been so good to me since I was rescued. I don't know how I would have gotten through all of this if you hadn't been by my side day after day. You've held me when I've cried. You've held me when I've screamed. When I had the breakdown in the shower, you held me on your lap and comforted me. You've made me eat when I've had no appetite. You've made sure I'm getting enough rest. When I'm afraid, you're always there to hold my hand or hug me. When I tried to blame myself for what happened, you wouldn't let me. You've taken such good care of me and I love you even more because of the way you've loved me and cared for me. I don't know what I'd do without you, Jack."

Jack then did something that he had wanted to do for a very long time.

Putting his hands to the sides of her head, he gently kissed her. The kiss was brief but sweet.

"I love you, Sam."

"I love you too, Jack."

Jack took Sam's hands in his. "I know this was hard for you to talk about, Sam, but I'm glad you told me."

"I just felt you should know."

Sam looked down at their hands. "Would you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Would you sleep beside me tonight? I don't want to be alone."

Jack stood up and held out his hand. They walked down the hall to her bedroom and Jack watched as she got under the cover.

"I'll be right back, Sam."

Jack went into the bedroom and changed into his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He returned, lay down on top of the cover and turned off the lamp. Jack reached for her hand and they laced their fingers together. With Jack beside her, Sam felt safe and unafraid as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Jack stared into the darkness as he lay there thinking about everything that Sam had told him. Every time he closed his eyes, he would see Leo with his arm around Sam's neck, dragging her through the woods and he once again felt guilty that she had not been rescued sooner.

Slowly releasing Sam's hand, he turned over on his side and choked back the tears. He closed his eyes once more and tried to sleep.

************

Dr. Murphy was now in her new office talking with Sam.

"It's been a few months since we started therapy. I feel you've made a great deal of progress. Do you?"

"Yes. I'm beginning to feel that I'm going to be okay. I finally realized that I can't let what those men did to me, dictate how I will feel the rest of my life. I know I'll never get over this completely but I can move on."

"You're right. As me and so many other women who have lived through rape can tell you, no, you won't completely get over it. But you're learning to put it behind you and can believe that life does get better and life is worth living. How do you like working in the labs?"

"It's not quite as exciting as going through the stargate, but the teams are bringing back some interesting things for us to study."

"The last time I talked with you, your Dad was coming home."

Sam smiled. "He was pleased to see that I'm doing much better than when he was here last time. He said he could stop worrying so much about me now that he knows I'm going to be okay."

"How are things with Jack?"

"As I mentioned to you, I told him about the rape. I felt that if I'm going to share my life with him, he needed to know."

"Yes, he did, Sam. It's good that you didn't keep it from him. This shows deep trust between you."

Sam's eyes filled with tears.

"What's wrong?"

Sam shook her head. "Nothing's wrong. Jack has been wonderful, helping me get through this. He's not usually a patient person, but he's been so patient with me. He has put up with my tantrums and my mood swings. There have been times I've been so angry at what happened and I took out my anger on him and told him he'd be better off without me, but he never gave up on me. When I'm having a bad day, he's so sweet. He puts his arms around me and gives me a hug or lets me cry . . . he's so good to me. His love amazes me."

"That's wonderful, Sam."

"I know and I'm so fortunate to have him. I don't think any other man would put up with me the way he has. I know I could not have gotten through this without him."

"Does being intimate with him scare you or make you nervous?"

"No. We've discussed it and he hasn't tried to rush me into it. I trust him completely and he has showed me just how much he loves me and is willing to wait until I'm ready."

The women talked awhile longer until it was time for Sam to leave.

They went into the waiting room and Sam stopped at the receptionist desk to schedule a date for her next appointment.

Dr. Murphy glanced to her left and saw Jack sitting in a chair.

"Hello, Colonel. Nice to see you."

Jack stood and walked toward her. "You too. Like your new digs?"

Dr. Murphy smiled. "Very much. I'm enjoying Colorado Springs immensely."

Sam turned to Dr. Murphy. "I'll see you later."

"Okay. Take care."

Jack opened the door for Sam and they went outside. Dr. Murphy watched as they stopped beside a truck and talked for a few moments. Jack must have said something funny because Sam started to laugh. Sam put her forearms against Jack's chest and he put his hands on her waist as they gazed into each other's eyes and talked. Jack gave Sam a soft kiss on her forehead before opening the door of the truck and Sam got inside.

Dr. Murphy smiled as she thought to herself 'you're going to be fine, Sam. You're going to be okay.'

TBC

**A/N: The final chapter is coming up.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was almost midnight, the quietest time at Stargate Command.

Jack and Teal'c stood in the locker room changing clothes.

"How do we know which particular men we are pursuing, O'Neill?"

"Sam told me the burly guy that grabbed her that day was one of the rapists. His name is Leo. The other one was Ben; tall, slim guy with black hair."

Teal'c sat down to put on his boots. "I remember."

A gate technician sat in the control room monitoring gate activity when General Hammond walked up beside him.

"Have the address?"

"Yes sir."

"Start dialing."

"Yes sir."

The technician put in the coordinates as the General went down the stairs and came through the side door of the gate room as Jack and Teal'c entered through the opposite side. Jack carried a P-90 and Teal'c held his staff weapon.

The General looked at them sternly. "Colonel, Teal'c, carry out your mission."

"Yes sir."

General Hammond watched the men walk up the ramp and disappear through the event horizon.

Jack and Teal'c stepped onto the planet. Looking quickly to see if anyone was around, they hurried through the woods and came to the place where Sam had been taken. They paused there for a moment and Jack could feel the anger rising inside him once again.

Arriving at the edge of a village, they noticed two little boys playing under the trees.

Jack glanced at Teal'c. "Let's see if we can get some information."

The boys saw them approaching and stared at the strangers.

Jack held up his hand. "Hi."

The boys didn't speak.

"We're looking for two men. Leo and Ben."

The two boys glanced at each other and the older one spoke up. "You better stay away from Leo. He has a mean temper."

"Where does he live?"

The other boy pointed. "Last house, end of the street. Keeps a big dog tied out front."

"Where can we find Ben?"

The boy pointed in the opposite direction. "In a house down that way over the hill."

"Thanks."

Teal'c and Jack went behind a row of houses, came to the end of the street and saw the dog that the boy had mentioned. There was smoke coming from the back of the house.

Not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention, Jack and Teal'c quickly ran across the road. Teal'c quietly stepped up on the porch and looked through a window. He shook his head to indicate he didn't see anyone.

"Let's go around back" Jack whispered.

Jack started around the house, stopped at a side window and peeked in. There was no one there. He came to the back of the house and Teal'c was at the other side.

Leo was standing in the yard with his back to them. Teal'c looked at Jack and he gave Teal'c the signal to close in on Leo.

Jack aimed his P-90 and Teal'c tightly grasped his staff weapon as they walked into the yard.

Leo heard them approach, quickly turned around and stared at them with a look of hatred on his face. "What do you want?"

The memory of Major Bentley carrying Sam through the event horizon, suddenly flashed through Jack's mind.

"We have a little unfinished business" Jack answered in a calm voice.

Leo smiled. "You don't like it that I took your woman? She ain't the first woman I took. I just wanted to have a little fun. I would've let her go when I was done with her."

Jack took a step closer. "Let me tell you something, you bastard. What you had was not fun. What you did was an act of brutality. You raped her, but you're never going to hurt another woman ever again, and do you know why, Leo? Because your life is over."

Leo quickly pulled out a pistol from under his shirt, but before he could aim the weapon, Jack fired one shot into Leo's forehead and the big man fell backward to the ground.

Jack and Teal'c stared at the lifeless body.

"Justice, Teal'c. Justice."

Teal'c put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "Indeed."

They disappeared into the woods behind Leo's house and made their way back to the road that led out of town in search of Ben.

Going up a hill, then down the other side, they saw a small house with smoke coming from the chimney.

Edging their way along the woods that ran alongside the road, Jack told Teal'c to go to the back of the house and he would take the front.

Stepping onto the porch, Jack moved cautiously along the wall. He stood in front of the door, raised his leg and quickly kicked it open as Teal'c came in from the back.

They heard a door squeak and there was Ben, coming out of what was probably a bedroom. He stopped abruptly when he saw them.

"I knew you'd come back. I knew you'd find me."

Jack tightened his grip on the P-90. "Then you know why we're here."

Ben's shoulders slumped. "You want revenge and I don't blame you. Me and Leo shouldn't have done what we done. She was such a pretty woman. Gold hair and big blue eyes."

"You raped her!" Jack yelled.

Tears came to Ben's eyes. "I know you're not going to let me walk out of here alive, so I'll save you the trouble and do this myself."

Before Jack or Teal'c could react, Ben quickly pulled a pistol from the waist of his pants, pressed it against his temple and pulled the trigger.

************

It was after dark and rain was falling as Jack entered Sam's house. He came down the hall and quietly opened the door to her bedroom. The small lamp on the nightstand was on. Lying on the bed with a blanket over her, Sam was sleeping peacefully.

Jack sat down beside her and stared at her face. Sliding his hand under hers, he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles as tears came to his eyes. Leaning over, he kissed Sam gently on her cheek and whispered "it's finished, Sam . . . it's over."

The End


End file.
